


CONTENTS FRAGILE HANDLE WITH CARE

by river_quill



Category: Holby City
Genre: Attempted Sexual Assault, Bisexual Character, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Friends With Benefits, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Mild Blood, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Miscarriage, Sapphism, Trauma, Wall Sex, good things do happen I swear, holby city - Freeform, mild violence, oh god these tags are so depressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-07-24 08:33:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 34,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16171457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/river_quill/pseuds/river_quill
Summary: Of all the people in all of the hospital - let alone the world - it had to be Fleur Fanshawe who she found within the mists of her life. Just the type of friend with benefits Rox had always wanted... (Sarcasm) it would seem mid-life sapphism is becoming some what of a trend for the middle aged women of Holby City.





	1. Stay... Because You Wanna Stay

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the most heterosexual thing I've ever written... Yeah exactly. Please comment kindly.

"Come on Oliver, you're acting like a child!" Roxanna was loosing her temper now as she stood at the side of her patient's bed, tablets in hand.

"I don't want it, you can't force me." Oliver folded his arms across his chest for good measure. "There are rules."

"I know the rules but I'm doing this for your own benefit! It says in your notes that you've been having trouble sleeping, we can't make any progress if you're going to be asleep all day so I'm giving you this to help with the insomnia."

"Nope!" Oliver shrugged, looking away from her. "I'm refusing this medication, I am aloud to do that you know."

"Yes but why?" Roxanna crouched down to his level, trying to catch his eye which kept on flicking across the newspaper on his table. "Have you read something about sleeping drafts? Is that why you're so scared to take this?" She asked, placing the medication on the side and getting up to examine the paper.

"No, no Roxanna, don't!" He tried grabbing her wrist as she came past the bed but his lack of strength got the better of him.

She picked it up, reading the first few headlines until something else on the table caught her attention. She wrinkled her nose as she peered down at the vomit filled, grey, paper bowl that the paper had been resting on. Her eyes at last met with Ollie's and she stared at him with an expression somewhere between disbelief and sympathy.

"Is this yours?" The neurosurgeon asked eventually. 

"No, really? I thought it was yours." He tried on a grin which was wiped off almost as soon as it had appeared. 

"This is serious Ollie, when did this happen?"

Oliver inhaled through his nose before puffing it out in his cheeks, searching his doctor's face to see if it was safe to lie. One glare from the blonde immediately told him it was not!

"Earlier."

"How much earlier?"

"Couple of hours... maybe three."

"Ollie..." Roxanna frowned.

"Spare me the lecture Rock... Rox..." He struggled

"Roxanna." She finished for him.

"Yes..." He shifted his position on the bed, lifting his legs over the edge of it. "Well now I need the toilet so if you'll excuse me-"

"Are you going to be sick again?"

"Nope, I just want to get away from you."

"But you can't walk properly." 

He laughed, "Watch me."

"Well at least let me help you." She replied sternly.

"But you're a woman."

"No, I'm your doctor."

"You're still not coming with me, I want Adrian."

"Who's Adrian?" She hoists him up.

"Fletcher, Fletch." The blue eyed doctor spat, an arm coming to rest on the female's sturdy shoulder. 

"His shift's over but you can see him in the morning."

"I can't wait until the morning, get off me!" He quickly removed his arm from her shoulders and instead used her hips as leverage forcing Roxanna to grip at his shirt so they wouldn't both fall over.

"Oliver you're hurting my stomach... Ollie you're going to collapse again!"

"Then I'll just have to crawl." He mumbled, sliding to the floor using her legs to lower himself down much to Roxanna's distaste . A grumpy looking elderly man huffed from across the ward, making a show of closing his curtains with a loud grumble. "Leave me alone!" 

"No." the neurosurgeon persisted. "You're going to hurt yourself."

"Well either way I'm going to the toilet and I do not need some geriatric, overbearing, maternal creep holding the door for me and looking over my shoulder at every moment, especially not where I'm going right now!" he spat, slowly finding his way further and further away from the woman.

"Geriatric?" Roxanna raised an offended eyebrow and trailed after him. "I'm only ten years older than you!" 

"Potato potato."

Upon reaching the gents, trying (and failing) to open the door he was sure was heavier than the last time, he slumped against the wall in defeat. 

"Here." She gave in, holding the door open for him and extending a hand. He took it after some consideration and stumbled through the entrance. 

"You're not coming in." He demanded.

"And you're in a position to stop me are you?"

Oliver glared at her and she eventually sighed as he entered one of the cubicles. 

"I'll wait outside, knock when you need the door opening." 

***

It's a few minutes until Roxanna hears the faint knock she'd been expecting from behind the bathroom door which she pushes open to reveal her patient. 

"OK?" she inquires. 

Oliver simply pushes past her, shuffling back to his bay with a muffled 'ow' when his hip collides with an empty bed. In that moment it's as if his legs had given up for him and he crumbles with a whimper of relief. Like a shot Roxanna bounds over to him and collects him in her arms, embracing him as his tears spill onto her collar. 

"I can't." He murmurs into the fabric of her clothes, it tastes sweat on his lips as they occasionally brush against it. Her perfume reminds him of the lavender scented one he bought Penny for her twentieth which only makes him weep harder. 

"It's OK, Ollie, I've got you." She hums, rocking on her knees so she can slide down onto her side. "I've got you."

"It's not fair." He breaths, calming down somewhat.

"I know, I know." she whispers. "I'm trying to help you but you have to allow me to do that." Oliver nods after some thought. "Why wouldn't you take those sleeping tablets?"

He scrunches up his eyes and starts to cry again, this time sinking fully to the ground and cradling his head with his arms. 

"Does it hurt?" Roxanna asks entering full doctor mode and lying down next to him. 

"It's all your fault." Is his reply. "It's your fault I can't sleep."

"I don't follow."

"Do you know how it feels to be so scared of your nightmares that you can't even sleep? It's driving me insane!" He roars before returning to his sobs. The blonde sits up and goes to stroke his back in comfort only to be met with another outburst.

"Get off me!" he screams, propelling himself forwards and on top of her, the woman's head smacks against the floor with an audible 'thwack!'. He pins her down with his whole body, one hand around her neck, the other holding her right arm down. Roxanna uses her free hand to loosen the pressure round her neck but soon finds even with the little strength he has, with gravity on his side, Oliver is far too heavy to be lifted with one hand. 

He raises a white knuckled fist daringly and Roxanna closes her eyes in anticipation. It's only when she feels the weight above her shifting that she has the courage to open them again. When she does it comes as a shock to find the blue eyed male staring at his fist that he now has resting lightly on her chest. He pushes himself up, releasing his grip of her throat, and falls to the side allowing the neurosurgeon to breath. She gasps as the air returns to her lungs and she catches her breath. 

"Ollie!" She gasps, propping herself up on her elbows. "Are you alright?"

"Am I alright?" He asks with an abhorrent look upon his face. "I just... I could have killed you!"

"You need to calm down!" she splutters, unsure of what to say. 

"I don't understand, I saved your life and now I... I'm sorry."

"...I know." Roxanna breaths, resting a hand on her chest. "You're just scared, your adrenaline levels must be sky rocketing, your emotions have been all over the place today and-"

"That's not an excuse." he interrupts her. They look at each other, Oliver can see his ice blue irises reflecting in his doctors' murky green eyes. "Help me..." he whispers.

"...I'm trying." she replies in the same volume. A sharp hitch in her breath followed a muffled 'oh!' draws Ollie's attention to her neck. A deep red mark has formed across it that had apparently initiated some pain as Roxanna had touched it. 

"Here, let me examine you." he offers. 

"But you're not a doctor anymore."

"Please." he persists. 

"It's just a mark. It should disappear in a few hours. 

"...Roxanna I'm so-"

"I know." she interrupts, seeming genuinely forgiving. "I just need a minute." 

Oliver nods and starts to inelegantly get up to perch on his bed leaving Roxanna still on the floor where she lays flat on her back, a hand plastered over her eyes, a harsh headache begins to form at the back of her head.

"Everything OK?" an unfamiliar voice makes her remove her hand and look up to see a dark haired woman peering down at her. "I heard shouting."

"I think you're a bit late for that." Oliver says from his bed.

"Well trust me to miss a perfect opportunity to swoop in and save the pretty girl." the woman replies. 

"Sorry, who are you?" Ollie says in a defensive tone.

"Fleur Fanshawe, you must be doctor Oliver Valentine and you-" She cocks her head at the woman laid before her. "you're Roxanna Macmillan. I have actually met you both before but I don't expect you to remember. I certainly know who you are though."

"And how would that be exactly?" he responds.

She shrugs. "Well yours' and Jac Naylor's pictures have been plastered on every news site since the shooting and as for you," She looks back down at Roxanna who hasn't moved from her position on the floor, "Well I've seen you around and I never forget a pretty face." 

Oliver looks to Fleur with wide eyes which turns into a mild disgust at the cheeky wink he gets in response. 

"I'm sorry if we don't recognize you but I have long term memory loss and to her you're probably upside down." The male explains tilting his head to Roxanna on the floor. 

"Been one of those days has it."

Oliver looks from one person to the other. "You could say that." 

Fleur grins. "Need a hand?" she asks nurse Macmillan, offering her arm as a lever.

"No I'm fine thank you." She bats it away gently. "Are you alright Oliver?"

"Tired." Their eyes meet again before drifting towards the medication Roxanna had left on his table, then back to each other, the same thought popping into their heads. "OK." he nods, "I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I'm missing something." Fleur interrupts.

"It doesn't matter." Roxanna says. "There's some sleeping pills on the side there can you see them?" 

Fleur moves to where the two identically white pills lay discarded on the counter top, picks them up. "These?" she asks and holds one up for the neurosurgeon to see.

"Yes." her and Ollie say together. 

"There should be a jug of water on the side, can you give them to him, is that alright Ollie?"

He nods and clambers under the sheets of his bed as the brunette tips some water into the transparent plastic cup that sat next to it. 

"Are you going to stay down there all night?" she asks, holding out the tablets and water.

"Just until it feels safe to move."

"What do you mean?" Oliver inquires, sounding worried even though Roxanna can't see his face. "Are you hurt?"

"No, no of cause not." She replies reaching a hand behind her head and wincing when she touches it. Quickly she pulls away to see tiny droplets of blood dangling from her fingertips. She looks up to see if Fleur saw and discretely wipes it away on her skirt. "I'm getting up now, I'll be fine just go to sleep." 

"No please, by all means stay on the hard uncomfortable floor and freeze to death." the standing woman says, not bothering to hide her sarcasm, "Though I'm sure you'd be more uncomfortable in my bed but what do I know?"

"You mean her bed?" Ollie frowns.

"Her bed, my bed, either way I'm game." she winks.

"You know what?" he takes the water and tablets from the former speaker, "those nightmare don't seem so bad anymore."

"Oh I see, go on then." Fleur encourages, taking back the now empty cup. "That wasn't so hard now was it, hm?" 

"I'm not a child." Oliver grumbles, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"No, of cause not. Besides you're no where near small enough, you are however a complete and utter pain in the -and he's gone." she roles her eyes.

Roxanna lets out a much needed sigh of relief. "Thank god, it's like living with a baby." she says under her breath.

Fleur roles her eyes yet again and smiles down at her, when it's not returned she starts to look concerned. "Are you OK?"

Roxanna hesitates, thinking about how she should respond from a doctor's point of view. "No... no I don't think I am."

"What is it?"

The blonde thinks for some time before reaching for the same spot at the back of her head revealing the deep red liquid there.

"Oh god, what happened?" she asks, kneeling down.

Roxanna considers her response with caution. "I hit my head."

"No shit Sherlock, how?"

"...We were just discussing the option of sleep medication and then I tripped on one of the chair legs... and I fell back." she replies. It wasn't completely a lie... well most of it was, but Fleur didn't need to know that or else she's have to explain everything like how 'just discussing the option of sleep medication' was more like persuading a baby to give you its candy only said baby was deaf, blind and surrounded by snakes. 

"Well why didn't you call someone?"

"I'm fine, honestly." She picks herself up. "I'll just go to the bathroom to clear it up-" she overbalances as she tries to walk and Fleur automatically puts Roxanna's arm about her shoulder. "I can walk." she says, irritably.

"You may have concussion so I'm not chancing my luck on that front. I also don't want you fainting on me either if it's all the same and anyway if it gives me an excuse to be this close to you then I'm all for it."

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response." she frowns which makes Fleur snort. 

"You're very cute when you're angry, you know that?"

"I'm not cute or angry, I..." she stops.

"What?" 

Ms MacMillan covers her mouth with her hand. "I think I'm going to be sick."

"Oh! OK, let's get you to the bathroom." She responds calmly. 

As soon as they reach the door Roxanna runs to the nearest cubical and doubles over (Fleur stands behind her rubbing her back and handing out paper towels when necessary). 

"Thank you." She says over her shoulder as she wipes her mouth. After a few deep breaths she gets up. "Maybe you were right about the concussion."

"We'll get you checked out, don't worry."

The neurosurgeon smiles with slight insecurity, pretending not to notice the way the other woman had looked her up and down and goes over to the sinks to wash her hands. "If I do have concussion," She says into the mirror, "Oliver does not need to know are we clear?"

"Yes sir." She salutes. "You should put some pressure on that wound, though. I don't think it's that bad given the amount of blood it's producing but one can never be too sure."

"Not a bad idea, oh and, Fleur?"

"Mm?"

"Could we keep this between us? It's just that I would really rather prefer if it didn't get out that one of the hospital's best neurosurgeons is so clumsy that she trips over her own feet even when she's with a patient." she inquires warily. 

"Absolutely, I could even check you out myself...in more ways than one." she grins, holding the door open for a reluctant Roxanna.

***

"OW!" Roxanna winces only causing herself more pain.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Fleur throws her hands up in surrender. "It looks like you've just cut yourself, I can't see the skull which means it's not too deep. I can order a CT if you're really worried but I can't imagine it'll show anything abnormal. Best to be on the safe side though eh?"

"No!" Roxanna raises her voice only to look around sheepishly. "Sorry, that wont be necessary."

"Well, just to be safe?"

"It's a good job I'm a neurosurgeon then isn't it?" 

"Could you at least let me patch up your head?"

"I'm fine, really." she tries to get up, inhaling sharply as she does.

"You're clearly not. Look, after this you can go off to wherever and pretend you're fine but I wouldn't be doing my job properly if I didn't examine you fully."

She huffs but, never the less, stops. "OK."

"Good." Fleur chimes and draws the curtains. 

"What are you doing?" the blonde asks, turning to face her.

"Well, when I found you, you were flat on your arse with a nasty mark across your neck and a bleeding head and don't think for a second that I believe you 'tripped and fell', therefore, in my strictly medical opinion, I should examine... all of you."

Roxanna's face falls and she immediately grabs her handbag, forces the curtains out of her way and storms down the corridor. 

"Where are you going?" she races after her, having to run to catch up due to the unfortunate height difference. Just as they reach the door she manages to grab Roxanna's wrist and spin her around.

"What are you doing?" she asks, referring to her current restraint.

Ms Fanshawe quickly lets go and instead stands in front of the exit. "Please stay."

"Why?" there's a pause, "When you said before in your 'medical opinion' did you mean you genuinely wanted to examine me to make sure I wasn't hurt or are you just trying to sleep with me?"

She shrugs with a smirk, "Can't a girl kill two birds with one stone?" Roxanna scoffs and turns round to leave. "I'm sorry!" Fleur runs in front of her again. 

"From the moment I met you," She begins, stopping to look round, "you have been nonstop flirting with me, making me feel uncomfortable and I can't help but get the feeling you're always looking at me inappropriately. I've coped up until this point but back then with the curtain I..."

"I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, please just hear me out." Fleur intervenes before she misses her chance, the neurosurgeon crosses her arm as if to say 'go on then'. "Let me get two things straight; first thing: I'm not. Yes, I am a lesbian guilty as charged but believe me when I say I would never let that distract me just as any heterosexual doctor wouldn't let it get in the way of them, look at you and Oliver for example." Roxanna creases her brow as she listens to the brunette's words as they start to make sense. "And secondly, admittedly yes I do have a crush on you, I mean, come on, you're fucking gorgeous and you're probably even the pretties person on this entire floor! But that does not mean that I would in any way put my crush on you in front of my care for your well being-" she takes a deep breath. "Does that make sense?"

The blonde stands there for a while, perplexed as she tries to take in all that had just been said. "I wasn't trying to be homophobic." 

"Never crossed my mind." 

"Really? Because you make me sound highly prejudice."

"I understand your reasoning, I acted out of line and I know you would say the same thing to a straight male doctor." She relaxes, "Truce?"

Roxanna hums, thinking it through. "Truce." She says after some time and they shake hands. "And I think... maybe if we can both promise not to start making out on the ward then you can examine me. But the clothes stay on!" she interrupts herself.

"Pinkie promise, but what about once we're off the ward?" her eyebrows quirk.

"Well I suppose once you've discharged me I'm no longer your patient so anything could happen. You'll have to buy me a drink first."

"For you, I'll buy two." the shorter woman smirks. 

Roxanna gives her a disapproving look. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves." 

"You spoil all my fun."

***

"Roxanna?" Fleur whispers to the woman asleep before her. "Rox!" she tries again, this time raising her voice. "Oi! Foxy!"

"Mm?" 

"I thought that would get your attention, you fell asleep."

"What?" The blonde mumbles, sitting up on one of the hospital beds. "How long?"

"About an hour, I think you fainted when I left to deal with that patient."

"What patient?"

"You don't remember?"

"I'm sure I just needed forty winks that's all." Roxanna smiles unconvincingly. "How's Ollie?"

"I'm not sure, I can check."

She rubs her eyes and frowns, thinking it over. "No, no, I'll go."

"Nope, no! You're staying where you are." Fleur persists.

"What, why?"

"I think you have concussion."

"I think I'd know if I had-"

"You've been sick, you've fainted-"

"I was just tired." 

"You said before that your head hurt and I bet you're still nauseous and-"

"You know what my job is, don't you?"

"Yes, you're a neurosurgeon. One of the hospitals best, apparently, you deal with the nerve system specifically head and spine which gives me an even better reason to ask why you're in such denial?" She shakes her head. The neurosurgeon opens her mouth to speak but shuts it again as if reconsidering her words.

"Oliver." She says simply. "He can't see me like this... I can't let him feel the guilt."

"What's he got to feel guilty about?" there's a beat, "...he did this didn't he?" Roxanna's silence is confirming. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't his fault. His mood swings have been all over the place today." she explains. "Please just... don't tell him, he's got enough to deal with as it is, he doesn't need anything else on his mind; it's damaged enough as it is."

"No pun intended." Fleur grins, a disapproving stare from her patient soon makes it disappear though. "I wont tell him but I do still think you need some sort of other check up. It could only be mild concussion but vomiting after hitting your head is setting off quite the alarm bells. I'll book you in for this afternoon, let you sleep it off first."

"This afternoon? What time is it?"

"Urm..." She looks at her watch, "three AM ish."

Roxanna widens her eyes, "Three AM and nauseous, feels like morning sickness." she laughs.

"I wouldn't know, do you have kids?" 

The consultant's laugh dies in her throat, her face falls. . "...No...well, sort of."

Fleur frowns. "Sort of?"

The blonde thinks for some time. "I urm..." She considers her answer with caution. "It's hard to explain..."

"Take your time." she clicks her tongue fondly but stops dead when noticing Roxanna's falling expression. 

"I've never told anyone this..." She looks up, "...not even David."

"You know you don't have to tell me anything." she stands back, almost surrendering. 

"No, no I want to... There's no point keeping it a secret now David's dead anyway."

The shorter woman pulls back the curtain uncertainly. "Let's go somewhere private then, shall we?"

Roxanna quietly approves and lets herself be led to the encore room where they sit themselves down on the sofa, her accomplice perches on the arm whereas she herself flops down into the cushions. 

"Go on, what is it?"

The consultant inhales deeply, giving herself time to come up with a way to start her sentence. "I was pregnant, a few years ago." she says, a little after they're seated. "Coincidentally I was working on Doctor Valentines late wife, Tara, who had a brain tumor that I was operating on." she takes a shaky breath. "The day before I was due in theater I found out I was one month gone- all the signs were there, I guess I just didn't notice." Fleur cocks her head in confusion, coaxing the blonde to elaborate. "I was so psyched for the op I wasn't paying much attention to my bodily functions." They both let out a single note of a laugh. 

"Why didn't you tell your husband?"

"I was terrified!" she exclaims, "If I didn't tell anyone it felt as if it wasn't real and I couldn't afford any distractions, not when my patient's life was at risk." 

"So what happened?"

Roxanna lets out a sarcastic laugh, "She died." she says matter-of-factly. 

"Oh, Roxy." Fleur puts her hand on the neurosurgeon's knee.

"And then-" she flinches. "-so did my baby, ironic isn't it." 

"Oh god, I'm so sorry." the shorter woman tries, looking over to Roxanna who blinks away tears. 

"It was on the way home from the operation, I thought well at least I have my daughter... and then I started to bleed." she inhales. "I don't know, maybe I was too old, maybe I wasn't strong enough-"

"You!" Fleur interrupts, grabbing the woman by the shoulders and pulling her round so she can face her. "Are one of the most talented, strongest, bravest human beings that I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. What happened to you is not in any way your fault; what happened to Tara, your baby, none of it!" 

"I just feel like I could have done something differently. Maybe if I hadn't of put so much pressure on myself then-"

"You can't think like that. What's done is done and beating yourself up about it is not going to help anyone."

She inhales, "I have a cousin, Vic Marzoni, you may have heard of her?"

"Marzoni? Rings a bell."

"She owns a restaurant in town," the blonde explains, "award winning chef, married to the job, but I can remember when we were in our twenties, she said to me that once the business had gotten going she would settle down and have kids. A few years ago she came here with some sort of abdominal problem, I don't know, and ended up getting her womb removed. I never especially wanted children but she... I think that's all she really wanted, do you understand?" 

Fleur purses her lips. "I think so."

"I had the chance that she was never given and I feel like I just blew it."

"That's not how it works, Roxy. You're talking about fate... destiny-"

"It just doesn't seem fair, why did it have to be me who got pregnant and not her? I never wanted that baby but when I found out it felt like nothing else in the world even mattered."

"I understand."

"No! You don't, you said it yourself, you wouldn't know how it felt to have kids so don't pretend as if you... what?" Roxanna looks up to see the other female frowning at her. "Why are you looking at me like... that?" the last word disappears in her throat as Fleur reaches up to touch her cheek and wipe away a tear. 

"I'm so sorry." she whispers. Roxanna frowns and brings them together in a tight hug.

"What for?" the consultant asks, tugging Fleur's hair away from her mouth. 

The brunette pulls away and stands up, the other woman copies. "Making you feel uncomfortable, earlier."

She tilts her head with a sad smile, "I'm not uncomfortable now." 

"Well I'm glad..." she looks down to Roxanna's lips, getting distracted by them "...it's your call."

"I know." she smiles before gently but firmly gripping Fleur's waist and pulling her closer so they're chest to chest. 

"We don't have to do this-"

"I know."

"I don't want to force you into anything you don't want to-"

"Fleur."

"Yes?"

"I know."

"OK." she breaths, smiling. 

"To be honest I don't know what I want but my heart is doing all sorts of things right now so I think I'm on the right lines by doing this."

"Doing what-?"

It comes as a strange surprise when Roxanna lurches forwards to seal their lips and Fleur lets out a little pitch of astonishment which they both giggle at. "That."

"Oh." she nods before returning with a lingering kiss. The next time they part is Fleur's doing; "How's the head?"

"Fine, still aches a bit but..."

"But... what?"

The blonde chews her lip, mulling it over. "I've never done... this with a... a-"

"A woman."

Roxanna ducks her head sheepishly and nods. "Yes."

"OK... Do you want to? Because I can cope with just kissing... I can cope with nothing if you'd prefer, I can be patient."

"Really?" she raises an eyebrow, "Because you seem like the most impatient person I've ever met."

"I'll pretend not to be overly insulted by that," the brunette bats her eyelids, "but yes, I will be patient - for you."

The taller woman sighs with a hint of relief, "Just kissing." she confirms. 

"Fine by me." Fleur smirks before looping her leg around Roxanna's, forcing her knee to buck and lowers them onto the sofa where they stay. 

"You know," Roxanna murmurs into her neck, "of all the things I could have thought of doing tonight I had no idea that it could have almost been you." 

"I thought you said we're not going to-"

"Almost being the operative word." she corrects. 

"Of cause." she nods before planting another kiss and another and another until the blonde shivers all over. The consultant runs her hands up and down Fleur's spine in return making her murmur unforgivingly. 

"Oh shit!" Roxanna pulls back after some time, arching her back so she's at arms length from Fleur. "I haven't checked on Oliver."

"He'll be fine, calm down. Those tablets will have him conked out for at least two more hours don't panic."

"I should go anyway." she shrugs.

"Why?"

"I could ask the same thing; why do you want me to stay?" she replies awkwardly and a bit panicked.

Fleur snorts with disbelief and considers her next words. "Why do I want you to stay? Because you confided in me, you could have told any old stranger about what you've been through but you chose me. It's not about what I want, Rox, it's about you... Stay.... Because you wanna stay."

***

Olive looks around the room, it seems familiar and yet he can't quite understand what's wrong with it. It seems back to front and the right way round all at the same time, so he looks down on himself in his scrubs and then to Roxanna who is stood in front of him and before a patient. No matter how hard he tries to look at the person on the table he can't quite see their face, it's like everything is out of focus. His eyes trail up to reveal a hooded figure, again, face not quite in focus, who has a shotgun poised in his direction.

"We have a patient here coming off bypass." he hears himself saying.

"Look at me." Roxanna says, stepping forward.

"Please just put that down." He tries as the figure loads the gun.

"Turn it to me, hey, hey, don't point that at him."

"Roxanna stop!" he shouts as she stands between them. He tries to pull her back but it's like she's just out of reach. As the figure pulls the trigger it's as if time stops. It happens so slowly and painfully, the sound of the bullet, the blood - oh my god the blood- Roxanna lying there on the floor as the figure walks away. He tries to kneel down to get to her but he can't move, full body paralysis. All he can do is scream and hope for this nightmare to end. 

"AGH!" he screams sitting up.

"Oliver!" Roxanna exclaims, equally shocked from where she is stood at the end of his bed. 

"No more, no more tablets!" he whimpers, catching his breath.

"OK, alright, shush." she comes round to meet him and puts a hand to his forehead. "I'm here."

"You were... you... dead." he looks her dead in the eye before pulling at her clothes to embrace her. 

"I'm here now, it was just a dream."

"Please don't leave me." he pleads, tears streaming like a scared child.

The neurosurgeon look back to see nurse Fanshawe stood down the corridor who simply smiles and nods in appreciation. 'Thank you' Roxanna mouths and turns back to her patient. "Alright." she agrees allowing Oliver to shuffle over. She quickly moves over to the curtains and pulls them closed around the bay before perching on the empty side of his bed and swinging her legs onto it. They lay there for a few hours before Oliver gets back to sleep again. 

Roxanna contemplates whether or not she should go on several occasions but always comes to the same conclusion; to stay. He reawakens a few times during what's left of the night with nightmares and what not, but each time Roxanna is there to reassure him and confirm that she is still very much alive and well. She tries not to think about what might spur on such questions and finds it better not to ask in fear of reawakening any past terrors. 

At around half six in the morning she finally manages to sneak out for a shower and to change into the spare clothes from her locker. As she rounds the corner back onto the ward she knocks straight into Fleur making her drop the files she was carrying. 

"Fleur! I'm so sorry, I was miles away." Roxanna splutters, bending down to help collect the stray papers. 

"It's fine, honestly. I was just coming to find you anyway." 

"Oh? How come?"

The brunette smiles. "Well one, to thank you for almost giving me an orgasm just by kissing, which really is a skill by the way, and two because I've booked that CT scan." Roxanna's face drops. "Please just go." Fleur pleads, taking the other woman's hand. "So I can sleep at night." 

"That's a little over the top, don't you think? CT scans rarely even pick up concussion, what's the point?" 

She shrugs, shaking her head. "So I can feel like I've helped you. So I know that our meetings today haven't all been about me being a useless lesbian and you being a wise old owl with mental scars that I've inadvertently reopened." She lets go of the blonde's hand, and looks up to its owner. "I'm sorry... We can forget this ever happened if you'd prefer-"

"No, no I didn't say that but-"

"But you meant it. I can see it in your eyes, you don't like me... even now, after everything." she sighs. "It's a shame." Fleur looks to the floor, waiting for Roxanna to say something but looks up to find that she has simply crossed her arm and is now looking unimpressed with her. 

"I'm not buying that. If you think that I was born yesterday then you're wrong." 

"Damn." she replies deadpan. "Drink?" Fleur tries instead. 

"Lunch?"

"Dinner?"

"You're paying."

"I'm certainly buying." She smirks before turning on her heels smoothly to exit. "Dessert?" Fleur calls behind her and stops.

"Well, in that case," Roxanna starts to approach her, "you're buying."

"Only if you're selling."

"Beggars can't be choosers."

"You want me to beg?" 

"Oh stop it." Roxanna wacks Fleur on the shoulder.

"Make me." she hums and bites the air. 

Roxanna snorts and rolls her eyes. "Goodbye nurse Fanshawe."

"Catch you later Foxy."


	2. Confessions To The Young

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I used to have pink hair, you know. Imagine me with pink hair now! I think I'd look a bit silly really, don't you? I have a secret tattoo as well, never told anyone about it, except David - obviously." Roxanna chews her lip thoughtfully as she reminisces the reaction her husband had had the first time they'd slept together - and thus discovered said tattoo - and smiles at Eddie who blows a spit bubble. "I wont tell you where it is and I'll thank you to keep quiet about it, it's highly inappropriate and I can't bare to imagine the looks I'd get from John and Henrik if they knew I had a tattoo on my... thigh." she stutters. "A drunken mistake you might call it, you'll have plenty of those... I wont bore you with the details - Oh!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we're gonna pretend John is reasonably nice okay guys... okay?
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING!

"Come on, I'll just be a minute." The head of obs and gynae pleads as she drags a reluctant Roxanna MacMillan down the corridor to the women's and children's ward.

"I've heard that before." she remarks but still allows herself to be lead. "What are we doing here anyway? You know, I don't think I've ever been to this corner of the hospital before."

"What, never? Really?" Fleur turns to ask, shrugs and continues walking. "I need to collect some paperwork from the ward for later, it's just over here."

"Paperwork?" Roxanna raises an eyebrow, "For what exactly?"

The brunette stops dead this time, "The same thing as you do! What do you think we have offices for, twiddling our thumbs? -Right, I just need to..." she fumbles in her pockets for something and Roxanna smiles at a passing woman with a baby. The neurosurgeon finds herself taking a deep breath as she approaches with eyes widened ready for conversation. 

"Ms Fanshawe!" the woman coos in a sing song voice making Fleur turn on her heels, her keys are in her mouth.

"Jane!" she says making them fall to the floor. "Sorry," she picks them up. "how are you doing? How's Eddie doing?"

"Well-" Jane begins and Roxanna can instantly tell this isn't going to be a five minute catch up. "he's been alright so far but I think he's getting a fever. I've been waiting for about two hours on that ward, getting nowhere, and I really need to get James's dinner on. All I need is for someone to give 'im the once over and I'll be one my way." she smiles at her and then to Roxanna who she then addresses. "That's not a problem is it?"

The blonde opens her mouth but is cut up. "Not at all, it'll only take a sec." Fleur looks sternly at Roxanna in a way that says 'be patient and I'll do you later' and she opens the office door.

The most striking thing about this particular room is that it looked exactly like Roxanna's own office, which she shares with Henrik, only this one has four little desks instead of two big. Fleur's apparently being the far one in the corner which is in the exact same state as her bedroom; it has piles of unsorted papers of debatable importance, a cup of tea that - judging by the mold growing off it - has to at least be three months old and four separate cardigans previously flung carelessly onto the back of her chair. 

"Here." Roxanna pulls up a chair and indicates for Jane to sit on it - if she was going to be staying she might as well make use of herself. 

"Thanks." Is the reply which is contorted into a slight hitch of pain as the woman sits.

"Are you alright?" the consultant asks entering full neurosurgeon mode.

"Fine," she smiles unconvincingly, "I just pulled my back."

"Ooh!" Fleur looks up with an idea. "You know we have a new treatment on trial for pregnant women with back problems, I know you don't technically fall into that category any more but it's the same principle. It can hardly do more harm than good can it? If you come with me I can show you."

"I suppose, but what do you need me to come with you for?" she asks, stroking Eddie's cheek as Fleur comes closer so she can whisper. 

"Well, I'm not exactly meant to hand it out willy nilly so it'd be easier if you come with me. Plus Mark and I have a bet on who can get the most trial patients so you'll be helping me win a free round of drinks at the end of the month." she laughs.

"Ah, I like your thinking, sneaky - but I don't want to be any trouble."

"No, it's fine." Fleur replies with a shake of her head, once again interrupting the blonde consultant who had opened her mouth yet again to intercept. "Ms MacMillan can look after Eddie for a bit, can't you Roxy?"

She looks up in a panic, "I'm not really that good with-"

"Just hold him." Fleur smiles and pats her on the arm. "Come on then." she encourages and the two women leave the room. Roxanna looks down at the child in the pram - no more than six months old - and cautiously pick it up.

"Urm..." she holds it at arms length, not really sure what to do. "Hello Eddie, I'm Roxanna, Fleur calls me Roxy but you can call me Rox. I understand three syllables might be a bit hard for you at this stage in your development." She lowers him slightly and sits on Fleur's chair, allowing his feet to patter on her lap. "I know you can't even begin to interpret what I'm saying but we all know that babies who are surrounded by people talking often learn communication skills faster." she looks at his blank expression and huffs. "That's a fairly basic fact when you're my age but for you I suppose it's rather the revelation." 

Eddie wriggles in her arms and inadvertently pulls one of the poppers to his baby grow apart so she lays him down in the crook of her arm and fastens it back up. "Blue." she sniffs in distaste. "It would seem you don't get much choice but to be surrounded by that colour when you're under a three-hundred-and-sixty-five days old and male. Same goes for girls I suppose - with pink, that is." she laughs to herself and gets a small smile in return. "I used to have pink hair, you know. Imagine me with pink hair now! I think I'd look a bit silly really, don't you? I have a secret tattoo as well, never told anyone about it, except David - obviously." Roxanna chews her lip thoughtfully as she reminisces the reaction her husband had had the first time they'd slept together - and thus discovered said tattoo - and smiles at Eddie who blows a spit bubble. "I wont tell you where it is and I'll thank you to keep quiet about it, it's highly inappropriate and I can't bare to imagine the looks I'd get from John and Henrik if they knew I had a tattoo on my... thigh." she stutters. "A drunken mistake you might call it, you'll have plenty of those... I wont bore you with the details - Oh!" 

Roxanna stops and flinches as Eddie taps the tip of her nose. He pats it fondly and giggles when she wrinkles it. "Excuse me." she retorts, trying not to grin but failing miserably. "I think you'll find that's my nose you're prodding. If you were a decade older I could get you arrested for assault... but I suppose today I will let it slide."

She stays sat there smiling at him for a few minutes, wordless until the unexpected sound of her ringtone makes them both jump and triggers the child to start crying. "Oh for... What!" she raises her voice in irritation as she puts the phone to her ear, at the same time bouncing Eddie on her knee in a vane attempt to stop him from crying. 

"My apologies, is this a bad time?" the sound of Henrik's voice makes her momentarily hate herself for answering so angrily and briskly lowers it to respond. 

"No, no it's fine, go on." she rubs her eyes with her free hand.

"Well it's two things actually." he begins.

"Shush." Roxanna whispers to the baby to make him calm down.

"Was that directed at me?" Henrik asks awkwardly.

"Oh, no, sorry. It was... it doesn't matter, what was it?"

"It's John, he wants to talk to you urgently."

"Why couldn't he tell me that himself?" the blonde pulls a face at Eddie who giggles.

"Oh you know John, he's very busy and I needed to ask you something anyway so I said I'd pass on the message."

"Can't be that urgent then can it?" she murmurs under her breath, "Well that's very kind of you... What was it you wanted to ask me?"

"Oh, just if you were free after work for a drink?" Henrik asks hopefully. 

"I'm actually-" she begins just as Eddie starts crying again and she looks at her watch. "I'm quite busy at the moment so not tonight."

"Oh." he states, hiding his disappointment well. "Perhaps another time..." he stops. "Ah, John is here now, can I pass you over?" 

"Of cause." the blonde agrees reluctantly (Henrik was much better company, even on the phone) and waits in silence for John's voice.

"I need you to take a patient for me." he says, getting to the point - typical John.

"And why should I? Actually don't answer that, I can't be bothered arguing..."

"Good choice." he replies but frowns as he listens to the background noises.

"John are you still there?"

"...Is that a baby? he asks.

"Oh... erm, yeah." she replies finally managing to stop the crying.

"Yours?"

Roxanna rolls her eyes exhausted. "Yes John, secretly I've been pregnant the whole time and in the last hour and a half since I saw you I gave birth to a child that I'm now casually ignoring in order to speak to you." 

He scoffs in response. "I meant is it yours to look after because if it is I can get Henrik to take this patient-"

"No, don't do that! It's mother will be back soon and I'll come and meet you on ward."

"Ah." he starts.

"For goodness sake, what is it?"

"I have a meeting with Serena but my notes are on my desk, it'll only take a moment of your time, I've been coming back to him all afternoon but keep on getting diverted. It seems only fair having promised him my attention."

"Your attention, John!" 

"I know but it'll weigh on my conscience. You'll be doing me a real favor Rox."

'What conscience?' Roxanna finds herself thinking, mulling it over in her mind as she tilts her head to the child in front of her. "Twenty minutes alright. Twenty minutes and that's it, any longer and I'll come to that meeting and drag you out kicking and screaming." she ends the call, stands up and places Eddie delicately back in his pram. After waiting for another five minutes she decides to push it out onto the ward where Jane and Fleur are returning. 

"I've got to go." Roxanna states before either of them get to speak. "I'll see you later though, at yours?"

"Okay." Fleur agrees and happily receives the apologetic kiss on the cheek she receives from the blonde. She turns back to Jane, "Now then, lets take that temperature."

*** 

"Why did you tell her you had a meeting?" Henrik asked, turning to John as they stand in the car park.

He sighed and looked round to meet his eye, they're stooped against the railings outside the main entrance, taking in the cool early evening air after a long and stuffy day. "Because I didn't want to tell her the actual reason."

"Which is?"

John rubbed his eyes with both his hands and kept them over his face as he spoke. "I'm exhausted."

Henrik frowned. "Why didn't you just ask me to do it?"

The shorter man took his hands down from his face and crossed them over his chest. "You should be at home." Henrik opens his mouth in disagreement. "Don't bother arguing, we can shout at each other all night but it wont make a difference."

"That's because your communication skills are frightful. Roxanna was the one who could always talk us both in and out of things, do you remember that pub crawl back in the states?"

John snorted at the memory. "David and I passed out, you threw up and Roxanna ended up carrying the three of us back to her room where we slept for about eighteen hours. Good times."

"Quite. Her room mate wasn't happy."

"I can imagine... But Roxanna's not here."

"Indeed." Henrik said to the floor, trying not to sound too sad about that fact. 

"There's no one here to convince you or persuade you, just the concern of an old friend" he smiled a smile that almost reached his eyes, a rare sighting on the face of John Gaskell, and one Henrik felt in his soul.

John had given up the pursuit of winning Mr Hanssen's love a long time ago, even within weeks of meeting Roxanna he'd known he was fighting a loosing battle and even despite setting her up with David there was no getting through to him. 

It'd hurt. A lot.

So what better way to protect yourself from pain than to shut yourself away from all human emotion, though in saying that, it couldn't hut to exercise his natural feelings towards Henrik once in a while - even if it was in the form of a mere smile. 

"I know." Henrik agreed, "I'm sorry."

***

Roxanna marches down the corridor, an annoyed look on her face that could turn the most confident of F1s away in fear of being yelled at - not that she ever would, mind. A small groan of frustration resonates from her as she approaches the bed that her patient should be in and she holds the notes out in front of her, checks where he's meant to be, double checks where he's meant to be and rolls her eyes with a sigh. 

"For goodness sake." she whispers and glances across the ward, he's nowhere to be seen. "Mr Levy." she walks up to the plump man behind the desk.

"Mh?" he hums, looking up from the screen of his computer.

"I don't suppose you know the whereabouts of the patient that's supposed to be in that bed? His name's Liam Piercing. " she points with a smile that she found was becoming harder and harder to obtain. 

"Urm..." he looks about, "He was there a moment ago, must have sneaked off when nobody was looking, I can help you look if you'd like."

"Er, no. That wont be necessary." she nods politely and exits onto the corridor. As she looks left, then right, she notices someone just sneak around the corner and follows them. "Hello." she calls to the hooded figure. They stop to look round at her and smiles so she smiles back. He's recognizable from his picture on his notes but is still hard to see with the large gap betwixt them. He continues down the corridor, much to the blondes annoyance, and finally stops near a door from the side corridor. 

Roxanna recognizes it as the one all staff members on Keller had been advised to avoid as a leaky pipe was held within it and didn't appear to be being fixed any time soon. It wasn't life threatening and could still be used, it was just advised as it might occasionally leak onto the floor and make it slippery, in which case you'd simply have to mop it up and place a container near it. Never the less, Roxanna used this information to her advantage.

"Excuse me sir!" she calls again and huffs in annoyance as he enters the room. "You can't be in here, it's a health and safety hazard, why don't you come back to the ward?" 

He shuts the door behind him so she marches up to open it. He's sat on the bed, hood still up, just smiling at her. "You need to come with me, right now." she demands, loosing her temper when she gains no response. "It's very important that you go back to your bed!"

"Shut up." he snaps in his Liverpudlian accent and takes his hood down - god he's so young! 

"Excuse me?" Roxanna frown, taken back a little. He gets up and walks past her to shut the door again. "You can't do that." she stops it with her foot which he stares down at. 

"Move!" He demands angrily and Roxanna can instantly tell she's in too deep.

"I'm calling security." she breaths and reaches for the handle.

"No!" he grabs hold of her wrist tight enough for it to hurt to the extent that she cries out a little. 

"You're hurting me." she winces.

"Shut it bitch!" before she gets chance to respond he strikes her across the face and she hits the deck, thankfully still conscious. 

***

Sacha watched as Roxanna left the ward before noticing the notes still lying on the bed. He went over to retrieve them, intent on giving them back to her, only to notice something that rather stuck out as he read through the last few lines. 

"This can't be right." his brow furrowed as he read over it again and even checked on the system. If he was right then Roxanna was in big trouble...

"Sacha, could you check these bloods-" Dominic Copeland asked as he approached the grey haired surgeon, papers outstretched for him to take. 

"No time, I need to find Rox!" he announced and dashed outside leaving the younger male a little struck.

"Thanks." Dom sighs.

***

"OW!" Roxanna cries as she rolls onto her back. Liam grabs her by the arm and pulls her up, right up, and against him. 

"A little older than I'd have liked but there's a first time for everything." he spits, his sticky breath staining her skin. She slaps him across the face which only makes him smile more and he pushes her up against the wall. His hand lifts the hem of her skirt up and grabs her arse so she kicks him in the crotch. He doubles up and falls onto the bed giving Roxanna the chance to escape. She runs to the door but only manages to get it half open before he pulls her backwards and slams it shut again. 

She tries to scream for attention but he covers her mouth with his hand before she even gets the chance to fully open her mouth. She struggles out of his grasp and falls to the floor where he pushes her down to keep her there. The front of her top gets ripped open, the buttons fly in all directions, and he tries to grab one of her breasts but one square punch to the face has him crawling away. 

***

"JOHN!" Sacha shouts as he comes gallivanting through the automatic doors to meet the two men stood at the railings. 

"Woah! Sacha slow down. What is it?" John asks calmly and walks up to him. 

"It's Rox, I think she's in trouble."

Henrik snaps to attention and joins them at the mention of his friend's name. "What do you mean? What sort of trouble?"

"Serious trouble. I can't find her anywhere, she was looking for a patient - Liam Piercing I think his name was - who had gone missing and when I looked him up on file it turns out he's only a convicted pedophile! He's on bail currently but is supposed to be reviewed every hour for, and I quote, legal reasons." he pants, still catching his breath. "I don't understand why this hasn't happened, why isn't this being dealt with?"

"Oh." John covers his mouth with wide eyes. 

"What?" the other two men say together. 

"That's him, the patient I handed over to Roxanna. I had no idea, I never got the chance to read all the way through his notes." Henrik and John glance at each other and to Sacha who looks like he's ready to pass out from all the running. 

"Contact security, tell them what's going on." Henrik orders and looks to John who starts up into a run. Henrik immediately follows and they both leg it to the stairwell. 

"Wont the lift be quicker?" Sacha calls after them as they bound up to Keller. Henrik gets there first, his gangly legs allowing him to skip three or more steps at a time, and he bursts onto the ward to scan it for any sign of the female.

John appears behind him several seconds later, "Here." he suggests and pulls him out onto the corridor. They split up to go both directions and keep a close eye out for even the slightest hint of a sign. 

***

Roxanna moves over to the door but finds herself being flung up against it which forces the wind out of her. He flips her over and kisses her deeply, her attempts to fight him off proving ineffective as she finds herself becoming weaker. 

"Please." she tries when he finally stops kissing her. "Stop this." her eyes fill up with tears as his hand finds its way back on her upper leg and makes its way to her inner thigh. She thought it was impossible to hate her secret tattoo anymore than she already did but proves herself other wise as his fingers drag across it, daring to go that little bit further. 

"Roxanna?" Henrik's voice makes her want to start crying with relief and she bangs her knuckles on the door. 

"HELP!" she screams and is flung back onto the floor.

"She's here!" He shouts back to John who runs up to him. They both look down the side corridor where they hear a muffled scream of pain.

"Oh my god!" John shouts and looks to Henrik who runs at the door. "No, don't, you don't know what he-"

He's cut off as Henrik slams into the wooden frame and knock it straight off its hinges. "Roxanna!" he shouts as he enters. Liam makes a run for it which Henrik allows but is stopped by John who grabs him before he can sneak past. "Are you alright?" he kneels down to the blonde's level noticing how her skirt is up by her waist and her blouse is undone. "Good god! Did he-?"

"-No." she cuts him off breathlessly. "It didn't get that far." 

"I'm so sorry." He reaches out to touch her face but she flinches and stands up, pulling her skirt down and wrapping her blouse around herself - given lack of buttons. 

"Rox." John approaches over Henrik's shoulder and she sees security take Liam away. 

"Did you know?" She asks plainly. "That he was a pedophile?" 

"No, I swear." He puts his arms up in surrender. 

"It's true, Roxanna, let him explain." Henrik tries but she ignores him.

"But why are you here? The meeting with Serena, why aren't you with her?"

"Please just let me explain." he begs.

"I don't..." she puts her hands over her face, "I don't want to hear it, not now." she shakes her head standing up and wincing. The taller male catches her as she bends over. 

"Are you alright?" John asks on approach.

"I just got the wind knocked out of me... I'll be fine." she rubs her ribs and begins to walk out into the corridor. 

"Where are you going?" John questions.

"Fresh air, don't follow me... I need to be on my own, I need... Oh god!" the blonde screws up her face and starts crying but raises an arm to holt Henrik when he tries to come up to her.

"Alright... alright, but we need to get you examined." the taller man replies.

"Why?" she sniffs through her tears.

"It's just procedure." John explains. "But you need to come now." 

"No, no I don't want to."

"You're hurt, Roxanna, look at you. You're hunched over, you're clutching your ribs, you're not OK." Henrik states, raising his voice to make the message go in. 

A small patter of footsteps catches the consultant's attention bu she ignores it until the matching voice makes her turn."Roxanna?" Fleur's voice makes her spin around. "Oh my god, are you alright."

"No!" She shouts and storms off leaving Fleur to just stand there looking confused. As she walks forwards she catches sight of the two men off to her left. 

"What just happened?" She asks, walking up to them. They look at each other then back to the woman who crosses her arms. "What?" she glares sternly but they still don't reply. "OK..." she begins, getting in their personal space. "It might not surprise you to know that I care rather a lot for my colleagues no matter how far apart we may work in the hospital, we are, after all, one big team, so when I ask you what is wrong with my friend you better answer damn quickly or I will string you both up on a notice board by areas that you really don't want to be strung up by!" she snaps unapologetically. 

The shorter of the two men clears his throat and stands a little straighter "She was... attacked." John begins, careful with his words. "From what we know one of her - my - patient tried to assault her." the words taste like poison, "She's not badly hurt though."

"You call that 'not badly hurt'? Did you see her face for fuck sake! She's traumatized, and believe me I know what that looks like."

"And you think we don't?" Henrik asks rhetorically, loosing his patience. 

"So why isn't she being looked after?" the brunette asks in disbelief. 

"She wanted to be alone." Henrik admits. "Let her do what she needs and then we can attend to her bruising. Physical and Psychological."

Fleur sighs. "I suppose that seems fair, but I want to do it. I want to be her doctor."

"No arguments from me." John shrugs and makes his way down to the lift swiftly followed by the other two who agree.

"You know her, I mean you properly know her, don't you? So... Is she going to be OK?" the woman looks up at the two. 

"She's a tough old thing." John nudges her shoulder.

"If she's old then what does that make us?" Henrik asks in a tone of voice that is on the verge of being offended despite the fact that John was over a year older than him.

"Other than a pain in my arse?" Fleur says under her breath, John snorts.

"Just look after her for me." He comments discretely as they exit.

"Of cause, if you look after her for me." She raises an eyebrow. 

"Promise." he extends a hand as John walks past, shaking his head. 

"Pinkie." Fleur takes it and walks away satisfied. 

***

Roxanna makes her way downstairs and inhales the night air as she reaches the exit. She goes past her car and keeps walking until she gets all the way to the opposite side of the car park where sat on the little bench is Frieda Petrenko. 

"Mind if I join you?" she asks making the woman look up from her phone which she then slips into her pocket. 

She shrugs once and moves up an inch for Roxanna to sit next to her. "Er... what's up with the blouse?" she asks with a slight laugh, noticing how the blonde has it wrapped loosely around herself. 

Roxanna looks down and smiles uncomfortably. "It's a long story." 

"I'm not going anywhere." 

"I'd rather not, if it's all the same." she replies.

"Okay." Frieda shrugs again and yawns. They sit in a silence that is on the verge of being awkward and Roxanna finds herself revisiting the past half hour in her mind. The thought of what very nearly happened makes her feel sick to the stomach, so much so, she finds herself slouching over just in case she is sick. "You alright?" The Ukrainian nurse asks, having to bend over to see Roxanna's face. 

"I just feel a bit... just give me a second." she takes a deep breath before sitting back up right.

"You look really pale, I can't even achieve that with the help of makeup, you sure you're alright?"

"I'm sure." she replies. "So..." the blonde tries changing the subject, "how come you're out here then? Long day?"

"Breather." comes the reply with a roll of the tongue. The 'r' and the 'er' sound are conveyed with a slight accent that Roxanna finds herself smiling at. "What?" Petrenko asks as the other woman just beams at her.

"Sorry." Roxanna looks to the floor as she realizes how strange it must look for her to have been just grinning at this woman without any context. "I love your accent, that's all. I like your look as well." she confesses. "The whole goth thing really suits you."

"Thanks." Frieda replies a little sheepishly. "I like your style too. Not for me, obviously, but it really fits with your personality." 

Roxanna laughs unconvinced. "If you say so. You know when I was a bit younger than you, I dyed my hair pink. I was quite the punk in my youth."

Frieda turns to face her fully and glances at her from head to toe. "I get that." she nods. "Take off the floral blouse and replace it with a plaid shirt, maybe some ripped jeans and boots, yeah, the pink hair thing kinda works." Roxanna laughs and swallows only to choke and start up into a coughing fit. Frieda taps her on the back and offers her her water bottle. "You OK?" 

"Yes," she coughs, "Thanks." 

"No problem."

"Just swallowed down the wrong way, that's all." They exchange small smiles but end up sat in silence once again. 

"What's on your mind?" Frieda asks out of nowhere. 

"What isn't?" she scoffs.

"I know the feeling... but seriously, if you need a rant I'm here."

Roxanna turns to look at her with a frown. "What?"

"You know... if you wanna talk I'm here." she shrugs.

"But you're Frieda Petrenko... you don't do this." 

"Wow." she laughs, "Well I am deeply offended."

"Oh no, I didn't mean anything by it-" Frieda just gives her a look. "You're joking aren't you?" she's greeted with another look. "Right."

"I know how hard it must be for you, with loosing your husband and then with Ollie... think of this as a thank you, for looking after him."

"You really care about Oliver, don't you?" this time it's a look and a nod.

"He's my friend." she admits, "And I'm grateful that you saved him but I also understand that it must have been tricky for you."

Roxanna frowns. "It was, yes."

"And I also understand that you probably need to verbally vomit in order to cope now and then, So..."

"What?"

"Tell me what's on your mind."

"Why?"

"Because you look like someone who has been through some shit and if you're going to continue looking after Ollie, I need to know you're in the right state of mind to do that."

"Right, so you're doing this for him, not me."

"One stone two birds."

"If you say so."

"Trust me it'll help." was that a hint of a smile?

There's a pause, "I don't think I can talk about it without having a mental breakdown." the blonde admits.

"So start small, tell me something that's not weighing too hard on your brain but you need to get off your chest."

Roxanna thinks for something that she doesn't mind telling this practical stranger and chews her lip as she does so before looking up with a thought.

"Fleur Fanshawe..."

"Mm, what about her?"

"...I slept with her." she regrets starting before she's even finished.

"OK." the younger female nods.

The neurosurgeon frowns, "What, that's it?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, no shocked expression or confusion that a straight woman had sex with a female?"

"Oh, sorry." she clears her throat. "No, you terrible, terrible person!" Frieda says with zero effort to hide her irony.

"Thanks." she replies deadpan.

"Your welcome... But seriously, what is the problem?"

Roxanna puffs out her cheeks and inhales through her nose. "I honestly don't know."

"Is it because you feel like you're cheating?" Petrenko asks sincerely.

"I don't think so -she's not my girlfriend." she states firmly, that fact was very important.

"Okay... So what is she?"

Roxanna laughs once. "Good question."

"Well have you talked about it?"

"Sort of, the first time I met her we... It's complicated." she stops herself.

"When isn't it?" Frieda persists. "Just tell me, I don't actually care, remember."

She takes a breath "Fine, if you must know we... We ended up making out in the encore room." she blurts and looks up sheepishly as the long haired nurse takes one glance at Roxanna before snorting. It doesn't take long for Roxanna to find herself offended and she wacks Frieda gently on the arm. "Stop it. Stop laughing."

"Wow!" Petrenko wipes her eye.

"Don't." Roxanna snorts and copies the action.

"That probably means something. People don't just randomly start snogging each other in side rooms without some strings attached."

"Talking from experience are you?" 

"If Jac Naylor is anything to go by." Frieda says under her breath. 

"What?"

"Oh, nothing, the real question is; do you want to be with Fleur?"

"It's not like that, I don't fancy her." Frieda just raises an eyebrow. "I just needed the... Release. She was a good friend who was up for a good time."

"Wait, so did you sleep with her here or..."

"Oh no, that was later, I do have standards. We went for a drink and then went back to hers. But it didn't mean anything, we agreed on that." she explains.

"So you're like... Friends with benefits, no?"

The older woman pulls a face at her choice of words. "If you have to be cheap about it."

"So why is that on your mind?"

"Because I..." she struggles. "I'm not a lesbian." Frieda nods, "Or bisexual."she adds. "But I have liked women in the past... I think."

"You think?"

"Well I have, just not as strongly as men. But not Fleur, she really is just my friend."

"OK, so you're confused because you don't know what your sexual orientation is?"

Roxanna nods sheepishly.

"OK." the partially blue haired nurse folds her arms. "I don't like labels, they're for make-up containers and bottles. I find them unnecessary personally, I've slept with men and women, I don't care what you call me, I'm just me... But you? You need a label."

She lifts her legs up, turns ninety degrees and crosses them on the bench.

"Oh?"

"Yes. Your stressed because you don't know where you stand. I can give you a label if you really want."

"But if you don't like them then why would you want to give me one?" she also crosses her legs on the bench and faces the other woman.

"Because I think that for some people they can clear the air, rid the confusion. You agree?" The blonde nods. "So if you were to kiss a woman now, would you like it or not?"

"Now there's a question. I've no idea." the blonde replies genuinely.

"But if you could, kiss a woman I mean, would you be able to describe what you feel?"

"I suppose. Got anyone in mind?" she asks, not really taking it seriously. Frieda just raises an eyebrow. "What? You?"

"If you like." the Ukrainian sniffs. 

"Can't hurt I suppose." comes the awkward reply. "Are you sure?"

"If it helps you figure something out about yourself then I can't see the hurt in trying, -all in the interest of Oliver of cause."

"Like an experiment?" Roxanna asks, catching on.

"Oh yes, all for scientific purposes only."

"Obviously." she scoffs.

"But don't be getting any ideas. I don't do human emotions remember."

"Definitely not... So do I just do it or..."

"Sure." Frieda shrugs and leans forwards.

"OK." Roxanna mumbles, the corners of her mouth tugging upwards. She gently leans towards the Ukrainian, bringing one hand to her hip, the other cupping the side of her face - careful not to smudge the flawless makeup. Slowly and preciously she moves her face closer and softly joins their lips. She lingers for a second before cautiously pressing her tongue past Frieda's lips, not as much as she'd have liked but just enough to not get carried away. As they're about to pull apart Roxanna smoothly bites down on the Ukrainian's bottom lip, for nothing more than to cling on, but soon parts them both when the time is right.

"How was that?" Frieda asks.

"Hm." the blonde hums, pursing her lips. "It was nice... It was... Soft."

"Is that it?"

"I don't know. It wasn't horrid. I wouldn't object to doing it again but... Oh I don't know." she trails off.

"Go on."

Roxanna clears her throat. "It's nothing to shout about, that's all. I did like it, honestly I did... It's just..."

"Not enough to turn you sapphic?"

The neurosurgeon laughs at her choice of words. "Something like that."

Frieda nods and takes a deep breath. "Okay... In my opinion, and there really is no defining answer - you can't diagnose sexuality," Roxanna huffs. "I'd say you're bisexual but with a preference for men... Does that help?"

"And you got all that from a kiss?"

She blinks. "I have gaydar."

Roxanna giggles and beams at the woman opposite her. "Thank you." she says genuinely before reaching out and embracing her. Frieda freezes and tenses up but allows her arm to bend stiffly around Roxanna and pats her on the back.

"Any time." she replies, checking her watch. "Ah, I have to get back." she gets up and dusts herself down. "This was..." she chooses her words carefully, "Nice" it seems forced but the sincerity behind it is real.

Roxanna hums in agreement as the younger female starts to walk away but finds herself frowning when she stops. "Don't tell anyone about this." she turns. "I don't want people thinking that I actually have feelings."

"Of cause." she replies with a mock seriousness.

"Or I will have to kill you." the goth adds.

"Yes... I can believe that."

With a final nod she makes her way back to the main entrance where she spots Fleur who Frieda gives a quick look up and down followed by a head wobble as if to say 'meh, not bad' and allows herself to move on. Upon seeing Roxanna watching her, she makes her way over to the bench and props herself lightly on the hand rest. 

"Come on." Fleur whispers and helps the consultant to her feet.

"Did Henrik and John send you?" She looks down at her.

"I can make my own decisions you know." 

"I know, I'm sorry."

"I'm kidding, don't worry." The pair take in a deep breath in unison. "Oh why must it always end this way?" Fleur wines melodramatically. 

"What?"

"You and me."

Roxanna frowns, "I don't understand."

The brunette loops her arm around the other woman waist and smiles to herself when the same happens to her. "You being injured in some shape or form, and me left to patch you up. One day we'll meet and everything will be fine."

"Well..." Roxanna slides her hand down Fleur's spine and rests it on the female's lower back. "If this is going to be like a repeat of the last time, how about we end it the same way too?" 

Fleur smirks as she feels the neurosurgeon's hand go that little bit further down so that if they were in a film there would have to be at least a PG stamp on the cover - not that she cared. "I like your thinking, end on a high."

"Exactly."

"Are you sure? I mean after what just happened I thought you'd be more..."

"What?"

"Insecure."

Roxanna takes the woman's hands and faces her. "Look, thank you for being so considerate but..." she sighs and looks to the floor, "What he did, it's important but if it's the thing that rules then he gets to keep on doing that to me every day forever and I wont have that. I wont let him take this from me."

"Are you sure."

The consultant smiles and nods, looking directly into her eyes. "Positive."


	3. Red DMs, Pink Hair And Sparkly Rainbow Badges

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some much appreciated help from nurse Chowdhury, Roxanna uses the advantage of it being early morning to get a shower from the wash room on Keller. She's so desperate to get clean that it's only when she's drenched in water that she realizes that she has no spare clothes. Turning off the shower she reluctantly pulls out her phone and scrolls through her contacts. 
> 
> Who could she trust? She ponders, lingering her finger over Henrik's name. Who didn't she mind seeing her naked? With a role of her eyes and a deep breath she selected Fleur's contact. 
> 
> "Well well well, if it isn't Foxy Roxy. You know it hasn't even been twenty five minutes since I last saw you. Just can't get enough of me can you?" Comes the voice at the end of the line. 
> 
> "I need you to get my spare clothes from my locker."
> 
> There's a pause.
> 
> "We really need to work on your foreplay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have a non-heartbreaking chapter. You're welcome.

"Build a bear?" Roxanna raises an unimpressed eyebrow in Fleur's direction.

"They're cute!" she defends, holding up the pamphlet. "Just look at their cute little noses, look!" she holds it closer to the blonds' eyes until it goes out of focus and squishes it up against her face.

"Yes, yes alright!" she rips it out of Fleur's hand and politely hands it back to her. "They are cute- but we're still not going."

"Why not?" Fleur moans.

"It's for children."

"So is Christmas!"

"That's not the same-"

"Ah ha! There, see, ignorance! If you are going to contradict everything I say, how is this date ever gonna work, hm? It's either this or a romantic happy meal on a damp bench. Which one will it be?" she waggles her eyebrows.

Roxanna roles her eyes involuntarily and takes back the leaflet, skimming her eyes over the multicolored font.

"This really is rather childish."

"That's why you love me, come on, I'll buy you a coffee before your shift starts. I doubt John lets you have many tea breaks with that trial bullshit or whatever it is."

"Hang on." Roxanna hangs back, "Who said I love you?"

"You did." Fleur replies without thinking.

"I don't think I did..." she trails off, looking sheepish.

"Well not in so many words but forgive me if I got the impression that you at least have some feelings towards me when, not so long ago, we were in a small room making out 'till morning." She point to the wooden door across the ward labelled 'encore room' and watches in delight at the way the neurosurgeon squirms with embarrassment. "Not to mention the amazing sex we had afterwords, not bad for a first timer, might I add. " Fleur takes Roxanna's face in both her hands to address her. "If it's moving too fast you need to let me know, OK?" Roxanna nods. "Even if the last time we stood in a room alone together was way over a month ago."

"I told you I was busy with Oliver and then the trial." She explains.

"Well," she wipes some imaginary dust from the taller woman's shoulders, "perhaps this date will give you the opportunity to make it up to me and the confidence to verbalize your feelings some more."

Roxanna frowns, "How will building a bear help me to verbalize my feelings? The last time we were intimate I told you one of my deepest secrets purely because I was mildly concussed and under pressure. If I start to actually fall in love with you goodness knows what else I could spill." 

Fleur nods in understanding and grabs the lapels of Roxanna's blazer. "Well, that's an easy one, you just have to-" she cuts herself off by pulling the neurosurgeon down into a deep kiss that quickly turns into a snog. Roxanna fights it at first but soon finds herself kissing back; she gets so into it that she doesn't even notice John's presence behind them. 

The man stands there for a few seconds, expecting them to pull apart any moment but finds himself frowning at his watch as the kiss continues. After approximately ten more seconds of this, he clears his throat in an attempt to gain some notice and Roxanna instantly snaps to attention.

"Are you done?" he asks with an impressed half smile which gains a harrowing look from his colleague who then turns back to Fleur. 

"That didn't mean anything." she says unconvincingly and holds up a stern index finger to the brunette's face. 

"I think it did." Gaskell murmurs under his breath but just loud enough for both women to hear. 

"You blushed, didn't she blush Doctor?" Fleur says to him around Roxanna's hand. 

"Certainly did." he shrugs.

"You're not helping, John." 

He puts his arms up in surrender. "I assume this isn't exactly public? Does Henrik know?" 

Roxanna ducks her head getting redder and redder. "Please, don't tell him for god's sake!" she replies. 

"Of cause."John smiles distantly before shaking out of it, "There is a reason for my being here so if you wouldn't mind Ms Fanshawe..." he hints.

Fleur just stands there for a few seconds before the penny drops. "Oh! Yes, of cause. Don't mind me." she smiles before giving Roxanna a quick smack on the arse and makes her way back to her department. John stifles a laugh as the blonde turns around, horrified. 

"She seems..."

"Don't." She rubs her eyes, "What did you want to see me about anyway?"

"Oh, I just need to double check these notes with you about this patient but don't worry, there's still twenty minutes before your shift starts, go and spend some time with your..." he racks his brain for the right word, "Accomplice?"

"Nice save. If you'd have said girlfriend just then I think I would have slapped you." they both grin. 

"So Ms Fanshawe isn't your girlfriend? Henrik will be pleased."

"I'm sorry?"

"Nothing. Actually maybe it is better that you don't go with her. I, erm... need the blood results back for Miss Garter, could you ask Mel to fast track them for me?" he passes her the clip board he was holding and presses his hands together into a praying position.

"Why can't you do it?"

Gaskell starts to make his way down the corridor. "I would but I'm dew in a board meeting with Abigail in two minutes. Much appreciated." he calls over his shoulder before starting up into a small jog. Roxanna stands there, mouth ajar in disbelief and skims over the notes in her hands.

'Ingrid Garter, forty-eight, came into the ED with upper abdominal pains, suspected bowel obstruction.' She reads, mouthing each word as she does. When she's completed it she places the clipboard under her arm and makes her way onto the ward. If she's going to be the one to check the bloods, she might as well check on the patient herself as well.

When she arrives she finds the patient asleep on the bed with several get well soon cards surrounding her. She's a biggish woman with dark red hair and painted nails to match. Roxanna walks up to her and gently lays a hand on her shoulder, careful not to startle her. 

"Hello, I'm Ms MacMillan." She states clearly as the patient awakes. "Do you remember where you are?" the consultant asks when she gains no response. The woman frowns at her and sits up wordless, Roxanna smiles warmly at her. "My name's Roxanna."

Ingrid blinks perplexedly before her eyes widen and she begins to cough violently. Just as she's about to ask if Miss Garter was alright, Roxanna finds herself covered from the chest down in projectile vomit. The blonde freezes for a moment but then comes to her senses and quickly places a paper bowel in front of the patient who declares that she is fine and that Roxanna should be more prepared next time. They end up laughing about it in the end although she does notice that Miss Garter never actually did apologize for ruining one of her most expensive blouses, then again, it's only money. 

After some much appreciated help from nurse Chowdhury, Roxanna uses the advantage of it being early morning to get a shower from the wash room on Keller. She's so desperate to get clean that it's only when she's drenched in water that she realizes that she has no spare clothes. Turning off the shower she reluctantly pulls out her phone and scrolls through her contacts. 

Who could she trust? She ponders, lingering her finger over Henrik's name. Who didn't she mind seeing her naked? With a role of her eyes and a deep breath she selected Fleur's contact. 

"Well well well, if it isn't Foxy Roxy. You know it hasn't even been twenty five minutes since I last saw you. Just can't get enough of me can you?" Comes the voice at the end of the line. 

"I need you to get my spare clothes from my locker."

There's a pause.

"We really need to work on your foreplay." 

"I'm being serious." Roxanna roles her eyes.

"Wow!"

"What?"

"No, it's just that I can hear your eyes rolling from here." 

"It's not funny." 

"It is a bit, I mean, why do you need spare clothes anyway? I have no context." 

Roxanna sighs. "One of John's patients projectile vomited over me - don't laugh!" she orders although still makes out a few sniggers from Fleur. 

"What about that beautiful blouse?" the brunette asks, composing herself. 

"Seriously, that's the question you're asking?"

"Yes." Fleur replies blankly.

"Let's just say that it's not white anymore." 

"Oh. How come you didn't get them yourself?" she asks.

"I wasn't thinking, all I knew was that I needed to get out of these clothes, not get new ones. Anyway, the key's on my desk." there's a few seconds of silence. "...Fleur are you still there?" 

"Yup, just... keep going. I'm writing down ways of getting you to take your clothes off for the next time we go out together." Roxanna can hear the smirk in Fleur's voice. 

"There wont be a next time unless you do this."

"Alright! Alright! I'm going, I'll even find you a plastic carrier bag to put your dirty clothes in."

"Thank you." 

"A dirt bag full of dirty clothes for the dirty girl who was wearing them..." Fleur grins but finds herself frowning at the length of silence she is greeted with. "He-hello? Roxanna?" she pulls the phone away from her ear and pears at the screen to see that she had been hung up on. "Rude." she huffs and turns back into the ward that she had been previously working in. "Seb?" she wonders over to one of the nurses behind the desk. "I just need to step out for a few minutes, if anyone asks I'm anywhere but Keller OK?" she smiles.

"OK?" He nods uncertainly and watches as she makes her way out of the ward. The first place she goes is to Roxanna's office in an attempt to retrieve the key, which of cause isn't there. Fleur groans in annoyance and makes her way down to the locker room and upon opening the door she is greeted with a number of obstacles. The first being that she's not entirely sure which one belongs to the Neurology Clinical Lead nor how to get inside of it so instead returns to her previous location and to her own locker. She unlocks it with a key from her pocket and blindly rummages through it for a few seconds before a satisfied smile crosses her lips.

***

Roxanna was getting anxious now, she'd managed to vaguely mask the pungent smell on her skin and was now in the process of trying to wash her clothes with cheap soap and marginally warm water. When a confident knock comes from the entrance to the wash room followed by the muffled sound of Fleur's voice, she instantly flings back the curtain and peers around the door.

"Tada." Fleur sings, prolonging her vowels as she holds up a light blue towel and an over-sized looking top. Roxanna frowns and takes the towel, wrapping it tightly around her before she allows the door to be opened enough for the brunette to enter. 

"Where's my clothes?"

"You mean 'thank you so much for taking the time out of your very busy life to come all the way down here to save the day, Fleur!'" She mocks, putting on a high pitched voice. "You're very welcome Roxy." 

Roxanna sighs. "You're right, I'm sorry. Thank you for the towel."

"And the top."

"Yes."

"And the bag." She holds up a slightly ripped Asda bag. 

"Yes, alright. But seriously, where are my clothes?"

"I couldn't find your locker." Fleur shrugs. "...Or the key."

"I told you it was on my desk."

"Well evidently you were wrong." 

They stand in an awkward silence for several moments as the blonde tries to think of a response, the only noise being the muffled voices from outside and the sound of Fleur clicking her tongue. "What's with the dress?" Roxanna asks eventually.

"It's a maternity top. Being head of Obs and Gyne you learn to keep things like that around you just in case."

"In case a heavily pregnant woman needs a spare change of clothes?" the blonde's eyebrow almost reaches her hairline. 

"It happens more often than you'd think." Fleur replies deadpan. "Now come on, are you getting changed or not?" 

"I can't wear that!"

"Of cause you can, you said it yourself, it could pass for a dress."

"On you maybe but I'm about a foot taller than you are." 

"Well it's either this or you can go back out onto the ward wearing nothing but that towel."

"That's not fair!" Her eyes widen at the thought.

"Don't worry about it. I promise not to take too many photos." 

Roxanna glares at her accomplice and with a shake of her head carefully puts her bra and underwear back on (luckily they had survived, her tights, blouse and skirt hadn't been so fortunate, however) and snatches the top from the brunette's grasp. She shrugs on the large sleeves and decides to wrap it around her slim figure rather than do up the buttons whilst Fleur just watches wordlessly the whole time. 

"Having fun?" The blonde grumbles as she figures out a way of getting the fabric to stay put long enough to get down the corridor without it failing on her and thus exposing her bra to the entire ward. 

"Watching you struggle? No. Watching you wear a highly revealing item of clothing, nothing could amuse me more."

"I really hate you sometimes."

"Oi! Just remember how much less you'd be wearing if it wasn't for me. I doubt anyone else would have been so kind." 

The neurosurgeon scoffs with disbelief and crosses her arms over her ribs. "I'll have you know I almost called Henrik."

"Well maybe you should have, he deserves a treat." she laughs but frowns at the realization that she may have just crossed a line. "Shit," she says under her breath, "That was wrong, wasn't it?"

"Yes." the consultant replies, eyes to the floor. "If we are going to be friends or anything more then please don't say things like that." She finally meets Fleur's eyes, "You're allowed to flirt but there has to be a line somewhere, I'm not a piece of meat." she shakes her head and starts to put her dirty clothes into the plastic bag.

"I know, I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking." she replies genuinely and helps hold the bag open. "For what it's worth it was meant to be a compliment... But I know I shouldn't have referred to you as a treat, you're still a human being... You're still amazing."

Once they're finished Roxanna puts the stuff down and places her hand on the shorter woman's shoulder. "Thank you." 

For a second she thinks they're going to kiss again but is easily corrected when Fleur pulls away from her and undoes the lock of the door." 

"What are you doing?" the blonde asks cautiously. 

"When I give you the signal, get to the locker room as quick as you can." she whispers, a broad smile upon her face.

"What signal?" Roxanna replies, sotto voce.

"You'll see it." the brunette corrects any creases on her blouse before sneaking around the corner, careful not to be seen. There's a few seconds silence before Roxanna hears a loud, metallic clatter which makes her jump, followed by a badly acted shriek of pain. 

She peers around the corner that leads onto the ward to see none other than Fleur Fanshawe herself sat on the floor, wrist cradles in her lap, next to an overturned medical supply cabinet. Several doctors and nurses rush over to help allowing Roxanna to take the chance and slip away unnoticed. 

As soon as she gets to the locker room she slams the door and rips the curtain-like fabric off. There's a brief moment of panic in which she remembers that she still doesn't have the key but a conveniently dropped hair pin works as a great alternative. She quickly inserts it into the keyhole and lets out a half laugh - half cry of relief when she hears it click open - she always did have a knack for opening locked doors. 

The abrupt sound of the door being opened by Henrik makes Roxanna jump a mile. He freezes with an apologetic look and politely closes his eyes. 

"Roxanna, I'm so sorry, I was just looking for Doctor Chowdhurry." he stutters awkwardly. "I'll just go."

"No, please, come in and shut the door." She begs and pulls him inside. "You can open your eyes, Henrik, I do have underwear on." she giggles which in turn makes him smile sheepishly. "Nothing you haven't seen before." she continues, matter of factly. 

A memory flickers across her mind's eye of a moment back in America known to Henrik and herself as something they'd called The Shower Incident of 87. As the end of the last term had approached, showers throughout the campus had been malfunctioning meaning they'd go from freezing cold to boiling hot within seconds, something eighteen year old Roxanna MacMillan had been uninformed of. A last minute shower was all she'd been after but had instead ended up running out of the bathroom with a scolded arm - thankfully still sporting her underwear - and straight into Henrik. Why he'd been in her room, she can't remember, but what she can remember is him reacting almost identically to how he was now. 

He'd stuttered an apology of sorts for practically existing and had plastered a hand across his eyes before blindly trying to feel his way out of the room. Roxanna had merely laughed, then and now, because it showed how much he truly valued her. He wasn't like Fleur who meant well and honestly didn't mean to come out with half the things she did, or like David who only wanted to say and do things that made her happy and nothing he wanted to do himself in fear of upsetting her, or even like Frieda who had kissed her for so many different reasons she simply couldn't get her head around. No Henrik did exactly what he wanted but in a way that was right for everyone, in a way that wouldn't disrupt her or make her feel unloved, everything he did he did because it was right and even when Roxanna had disagreed he'd always explain himself or apologize for being wrong. It was good to know he did things for himself and not just to make her happy like so many others had in the past which in a strange sort of way made her respect him the most out of everyone. 

So when he'd walked in on her for the second time wearing nothing but underwear, and he'd looked away without a seconds thought, she knew it wasn't because he didn't want to look but because he was showing an equal respect to her in the only way one can in such a situation.

He goes red with embarrassment. "My apologies for barging in on you like that."

"Not at all. I'm just glad it was you and not some random F1. I really should be more careful, I was just so desperate to get changed."

"How come, if you don't mind my asking?"

Roxanna looks to the floor shyly. "One of Johns patients threw up on me so I went to get a shower only to find that I had no clean clothes. Then I had to ask Fleur to retrieve some from my locker but then she couldn't find the key and..."

"Fleur Fanshawe? From Obstetrics and Gynaecology?" He asks.

"Yes, why?" 

"I just saw her fall over on the ward. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Roxanna sniggers, "She was creating a distraction so I could come here and get changed without being noticed. I almost called you, you know? I wish I had now." she catches his eye and is met with an understanding smile. "I feel rather foolish."

"And why is that?" 

She frowns, "Because I'm supposedly this mature neurosurgeon who is about fifteen percent of this hospitals good representation and yet I'm stood almost fully naked in a public locker room in front of my colleague and former boss." 

There's a pause. "Well, we can fix one of those things." he straightens up before walking across the room and over to his friends locker. He glances inside it and easily finds a black jumper and plaid skirt that he pulls out and hand to her. 

"Thank you." she smiles a little more confidently now. They stay standing there, just looking at one another for a moment before she physically shakes out of it. "I should probably-"

"Yes, of cause." Henrik goes over to the door and hovers over the handle as he waits for the blonde to put her clothes on. "Perhaps that catch up is in order." he turns to look at her.

"Sure." she agrees with a nod of her head. "Dinner? I promise not to double book this time."

"Perfect." he accepts and bids her fair well leaving the neurosurgeon smiling to herself. 

"Perfect." She repeats and leans back against the lockers, eyes closed. 

"Psst." She hears after several seconds, the noise makes her open them again. "Foxy!" She looks down to see Fleur with her head round the door. "Are you done yet or what?"

The problem with talking to someone as polite as Henrik Hansen is that everyone else suddenly appears particularly rude, so you can imagine the internal eye roll of a certain neurosurgeon who had just participated in a lovely conversation only to have their thought process rudely interrupted by a gabby brunette. Although, to be fair, said gabby brunette had just humiliated themselves in front of an entire ward for said curtain neurosurgeon who decides to simply nod instead. 

"Yes." she smiles, brushing down her skirt with the flat of her hands. 

"Thank Christ, they want to do a full on scan of my wrist. I pretended to hurt it when I fell but it's gotten to far now. Can you tell them you're dealing with it to get them off my back."

"Of cause. Thank you Fleur, you really didn't have to." Roxanna walks up to her and gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek. 

"Well it was worth it for that." she smiles. "Are you still coming round later?"

"You try and stop me!

***

"Tell me what he said again." Fleur says as she enters her bedroom, tea in hand.

"This'll be the third time." Roxanna replies with a huff. She's sat at a messy dressing table, a maroon towel wrapped around her middle and a vile of mascara in her right hand. Fleur places the tea on the cabinet next to her bed and goes back out into the kitchen to retrieve another.

"I know but I'm nosy." she calls.

"He just said that he wants to have a catch up over dinner. We were going to do it a few days ago but I was busy. Why are you so bothered anyway?" she frowns, putting the mascara down even though she'd only applied it to one eye and turns around. 

"Why am I so bothered that the woman I just had shower sex with is about to go out for dinner with a man?" Fleur grumbles as she re-enters the room. She shuffles slowly, careful not to spill her drink and sips at it once before placing it down next to the blonde. 

"It's not like that, we went to university together. So did John and I, you don't seem to have a problem with him." She defends.

"That's because John is secretly a lizard in human skin." Fleur replies without missing a beat. "Whereas Henrik, he' very much human and very much likes you. Plus I'm pretty sure lizard man bats for the other team."

Roxanna chokes on her tea. "Excuse me?" she laughs nervously. 

The brunette turns to her and plonks herself down on the bed. "Well, you've known him since you were what? Nineteen?"

"Eighteen."

"OK then. In the thirty years that you've known him has he ever been even remotely interested in a girl?"

"Of cause." She replies a little too quickly to which Fleur raises an eyebrow. "Well..." Roxanna closes her eyes to think, "He's not really the relationship sort."

Another memory flashes up in her mind of herself with John and Henrik enjoying drinks back in university. When Henrik had asked who had payed for them the waiter had pointed to the neurology lecturer who'd smiled at them. 

"I think she likes you." Henrik had teased to John who had instantly denied it with his usual abstinence. Roxanna can remember the way her heart had began to palpitate when she'd looked over to the woman and the sting of jealousy that had run through her. At the time she had no idea why, the concept of fancying a teacher never occurred to her let alone a female one, but now she knew all that emotion ran far deeper than she ever could have imagined. If Fleur was right about John then he wouldn't have cared in the slightest, and if Frieda was right about her then her whole romantic life was starting to make more and more sense. If only the word bisexual had come into her knowledge a few decades earlier then perhaps she would be in this mess of self doubt. 

"Sure." Fleur sips her tea.

"That doesn't mean he's gay." the neurosurgeon persists. 

"Whatever you say." she gets up and walks over to the dressing table, gesturing for Roxanna to move up. "Henrik's much more your type anyway, he likes you."

"So does John." her forehead creases as Fleur reaches down for the mascara.

"Yes, but in a very different way." she hums as she unscrews the lid and leans forwards. Roxanna looks up allowing the shorter woman to apply it.

"Thanks." she smiles once they're finished.

"Lipstick?" 

"Why not." 

Fleur nods and leaves to go into the bathroom for her makeup bag. "Red or pink?" she shouts.

"Urm... Red please." Roxanna yells back and gets up to grab a smaller looking towel from the back of the door. She twists it over her hair and fixes it to the back of her head before sitting back down to drink her tea. She almost burns her mouth once or twice as she gulps it down, certain that she'd smudge her lipstick on the rim if she drank it after Fleur got back. 

"Here we are." she lays three slightly different shades of red lipstick on the table. "Which one do you want?"

"Urm... that one." Roxanna points to the darkest one.

"Ooh, good choice, very sexy-" Fleur stops mid sentence to put her hand over her mouth in order to hide her laughter.

"What?" the blonde frowns insecurely.

"What's this?" the brunette reaches out and pokes the towel about her head.

"This?" Roxanna copies the action and touches the fabric she knew Fleur must have been referring to. "It's a turbie twist, it was on the back of your door, I hope you don't mind."

"I know what it is, the question is why are you using it?"

The consultant sits up a little straighter in an attempt to keep some dignity. "Why shouldn't I use it?"

Fleur briefly closes her eyes and clears her throat to compose herself. "Because you don't need it!"

"I don't follow." the blonde shakes her head, looking consistently lost. 

"You're just a quiff!"

"A what?"

"A quiff."

"What's that?"

"This thing." Fleur grins, pulling at the fabric and collecting Roxanna's hair in her hands. "You don't need an entire towel for that!"

"Your hair is short too. At least I suit it." She says under her breath. Fleur puts her hands on her hips making it clear that she had heard. 

"Well at least my hair isn't grey." 

"It's bleach blonde!" Roxanna defends, not entirely sure if she's genuinely offended or just pretending to be. 

Fleur opens her mouth, a comeback loaded on the tip of her tongue, ready to be fired, but she stops. Roxanna watches the woman's eyes expand, an idea forming within them. "I could give you rainbow hair!" she exclaims in an uncharacteristically excited tone. 

If Roxanna had to write down a list of the things she thought Fleur might have said in that moment she would admit that not one key word in that sentence would have popped up. She grimaces at the idea for a second but then sits up a little taller. "I'll have you know that my hair was bright pink for a lot of my twenties." 

"What?" Fleur asks, unconvinced. 

"You heard me."

"Pink?" she folds her arms doubtfully. 

"I'm serious, I have pictures." She replies smiling at the face Fleur is pulling. It's somewhere between not really believing but at the same time wanting to believe. 

"Your bluffing."

"I'm not, you can ask John, or Henrik!" 

"Maybe I will."

"I'm not lying, it's on my graduation photo." 

"Yeah, I believe you." Fleur sighs, rolling her eyes. 

Roxanna laughs once and picks up the lipstick. "Red DMs, iron on badges and bravely dyed hair was my signature look back in the day."

"You know I can't imagine you wearing Doc Martens, the hair I can sort of get but iron on badges... what are we talking? Sequins? Embroidered lions, what?"

The consultant hums and smacks her lips together to even out the colour before a sheepish smile creeps onto the tinted skin. "OK, don't laugh..." she dabs a tissue on her mouth and clears her throat, "I can't remember all of them but I do recall owning a sequined rainbow that I had a particular taking to that lived on the pocket of my best denim. I don't know why I liked it so much, it just made me feel warm whenever I looked at it."

Fleur snorts and takes another sip of her tea, "And you never once questioned your sexuality?"

"Of cause I questioned it!" she says, mirroring the brunette and bringing the cup to her lips. "I suppose I just chose to ignore it. It was hard enough being out with David at the beginning of our relationship, the looks we got, the tuts and the head shakes, can you imagine what it would have been like if I'd have been with a girl?"

Fleur stares at her, unimpressed. "This is me you're talking to, sapphic goddess of all things homo, do you really think that I don't know what it's like to be a closeted lesbian?"

Roxanna shakes her head, "Sorry, I forget who I'm talking to, of cause you know what it's like." she grins to herself before looking down into the disappointing dribble left at the bottom of her mug, then to the lipstick stain on the rim that she'd tried so hard not to leave and wipes it off with her thumb and forefinger.

"Fancy another?" Fleur asks, getting up. 

"No thank you, I need to get changed. Had I realized I'd be going out tonight I would have told you to come to mine rather than pick up my clothes from my house and then come here. It was all a bit last minute really."

"It's fine, besides my shower is way better than yours." Fleur says with suggestive eyebrows making Roxanna's heart beat a little faster than she'd like. "I'll leave you to it." she picks her drink up and goes back out into the kitchen leaving the blonde sat at her dressing table once again. 

Once the door is closed Roxanna stands up allowing the towel to fall loosely to the floor. She finds her body has already dried naturally and so she goes over to the bag of clothes she'd brought with her and selects the top item. It's a peach and black lace bra with adjustable straps that had been tampered with by a certain brunette lesbian earlier that evening, forcing Roxanna to pull them out to their full length, put it on, and then fix them to the correct size. 

The second item is the nickers to match, a little too revealing for her liking but the all too familiar thought of 'oh fuck it' had flashed through her mind when the taxi driver had beeped from outside when she had been collecting them earlier. Roxanna quickly slips them on and finds herself relax a little now that she's not fully naked. 

A gorgeous blue and purple blouse is next, it's one that she keeps for formal occasions such as meetings or interviews but given her knowledge of Henrik's love for formality, she' found it quite fitting. An appropriate pair of black trousers goes with it along with some heeled boots to finish it off. Just as she's doing up the buckles on her footwear Fleur enters with yet another cup of tea. 

She looks up. "Is that what your wearing?"

"Yes." Roxanna replies looking rather put out at Fleur's initial response. "Why?"

"Oh no, we can do better than this!" She promises and walks right up to the neurosurgeon. 

"What are you doing?" Roxanna asks worriedly as Fleur starts to unbutton the blouse. "Sit." she orders once it's fully off and pushes the other woman down so she's sat on the bed. "Shoes off."

"What for?"

Fleur sighs. "You look like you're going to a confirmation! What are you, a nun? Let's see some skin." she smirks and pulls both shoes fully off. 

"I really don't think this is appropriate, it's just dinner." 

"OK." Fleur stops before getting up, pushing Roxanna down further onto the bed and straddling her. "Do you remember when we first met and we had that whole conversation about 'just kissing'?" she asks, miming the connotation around the last two words.

Roxanna simply nods, not daring to open her mouth in case an inappropriate noise escapes her. "And do you remember what happened after that?" she continues, cupping one of the blonde's breasts and feeling the female's quickening heartbeat a little to the left of it. "Just picture it now, the two of us in this very bed." she grins ducking her head down for a kiss on the lips which then travels down her neck. Roxanna lets out a tiny little groan which Fleur grins at and then dismounts, satisfied. "Believe me Foxy, it's never 'just' anything." 

It takes the consultant a while to catch her breath - god she was new to this - and sit up straight, her trousers and bra remain on, if not a little askew thanks to Fleur who was now rummaging through her messy wardrobe. An iconic scene plays out in front of Roxanna as she flings random items of clothing over her shoulder which have to be dodged now and again with the more streamline of attire. "Ah ha!" She declares after a while and turns around to reveal a deep red, velvety dress with lace arms that she holds up proudly in both hands. 

"What's that?"

"A unicorn, what do you think it is?" 

"I can see what it is I mean why are you showing it to me?"

"Well, it's about your size isn't it?" She asks, bringing it up to Roxanna's shoulders and matching them up. "It seems to fit OK, why don't you try it on?"

"I don't understand, what do I need a dress for?"

Fleur pulls the dress down with wide eyes. "Your date of cause!"

"My what? This isn't a date, why would it be a date?" she splutters nervously. 

"Well of cause it is! I told you, it's never 'just dinner' and it's hardly going to be a business meeting is it? Now, try the dress on, I'll find you some heels and you can be on your way. I think you're the same foot size as I am." Roxanna freezes, unsure whether to obey or just put her top back on. "Chop chop." Fleur encourages.

"Why do you have this dress anyway?" she asks instead, picking it up and running her hands over the fabric. 

"Christmas present from my mother who'd apparently forgotten I'm not exactly a size twelve any more. You don't mind, do you?" 

"No it's fine, thank you. Not convinced about the shoes, however."

"Really?" she asks, looking between Roxanna's feet and her own. "What size are you?"

"Five and a half."

"Damn, I'm a five... Well I suppose those boots of yours will do. Oh and take those nickers off, they're no where as nice as the bra that comes with them." 

"But I don't have any spares." the blonde replies, removing the trousers. 

"Just go commando, it'll help save time if you get lucky." she grins.

"Behave."

"I'm serious, if he wants it and you're willing, don't stop on my account.

"I thought you 'd be jealous." the taller woman states, somewhat perplexed.

"Why would I be jealous? I'm not your girlfriend." she stops, "Unless you want me to be." 

Roxanna narrows her eyes in though. "Do you want to be?"

"I want to sleep with you, I like being around you but that doesn't mean there has to be any strings attached."

The neurosurgeon hums, "Like..." she remembers Frieda's words, "Friends with benefits?" 

"Exactly!" 

"I've never had one of those before." the blonde admits with a frown, it's not embarrassment, more of an intrigued curiosity.

"Well then, welcome to the club and enjoy your stay."

"What?" she laughs.

"Nothing, come on, get that dress on. You don't want to be late!" 

"Are you sure about this?" Roxanna asks, laying the dress carefully on the bed, "About me possibly sleeping with someone else? Not that I'm the type to sleep around but in theory, if I were to... you know, with a man or another woman, you really wouldn't care?"

"Of cause I'd care, I'd want to make sure you were alright but if you mean in terms of jealousy, no... I wouldn't care." she smiles.

"That easy?"

"Well I wouldn't call it easy. You have to not be jealous too, if I slept with someone else I mean." 

Roxanna blinks, thinking it through. Maybe this was more complicated than she'd thought. "I hadn't thought of it like that... What if I do feel jealous? I can't stop myself from feeling like that."

Fleur comes closer to meet their eyes, "Well if that does happen, let me know and we can figure out if those strings do need attaching after all." The consultant nods in understanding which makes the shorter woman smile brightly. "Come on then, are you getting dressed or not? As much as I love that bra I think you might get a few dodgy looks if you rocked up in just that and some trousers." she grins. "I'll give you a hand with the zip once it's on." she points to the dress.

"Thanks." she smiles, it's easy enough to slip the red fabric over her head without smudging her makeup and she allows Fleur to fasten the zip once she's pulled the skirt part down over her knees. 

"Wow!" the brunette exclaims, mouth ajar as Roxanna twirls in the mirror, admiring herself from as many angles as possible.

"Does it suit me?" she asks, turning to face Fleur and posing with a hand on her left hip. 

"Ooh, Foxy Roxy! It certainly makes me want to take it off all over again but I suppose that's rather against the point." she grins seductively.

"Ah, yes it is, Flirty Fleur, so hands off." she says, slapping Fleur on the knuckles. "I need to put my shoes on." 

"Aw, but now I want you all for myself, lucky Henrik!"

Roxanna chews her lip as she does up the last buckle on her shoe. "I feel over dressed, are you sure this is appropriate?" she asks insecurely. 

"Of cause! You look gorgeous, if this doesn't have him begging for it, I don't know what will."

"That's not why I'm doing this, he's my friend." The neurosurgeon shakes her head dismissively, standing up. "I'm ready."

"You look fabulous." Fleur kneels up on the bed to reach Roxanna's face (damned heels) and quickly gives her a peck on the lips. "If you feel insecure just remember that you're the one who got laid tonight, not them."

Roxanna giggles and returns the kiss. "See you later. Thanks for the... well, everything... again."

"My pleasure, now, give 'em hell Foxy!"


	4. Beg For Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fleur nods and kisses her again, "Come on." Roxanna lets herself be lead through to the spare room and allows the dressing gown to fall to the floor as they move through the door frame. The open blouse that Fleur had been wearing follows its way to the carpet and she kicks it out of the way as she pushes Roxanna down onto the bed. 
> 
> Climbing on top of her she separates the blonde's legs with her knees and wriggles the panties down to her ankles. Kneeling between Roxanna's thighs she kisses all the way up her right leg before inserting a finger when she reaches the female's groin, relishing in the unforgiving gasp that she makes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically smut, oh and Oliver. Not in the way you're thinking, though.

"Portugal, Morocco!" Fleur exclaims, mouth ajar as Roxanna runs her slender fingers through her hair in frustration. "I don't understand, what's brought this on?"

"I told you, I can't say anything, it's secret." She clicks the kettle on.

"But I don't understand why, why cant you can't tell me...?" The brunette stares up at Roxanna with a terrible look in her eye. "You're not in trouble, are you?" 

"Don't be silly."

"Well what do you expect me to think? One minute we're talking about work and the next you just announce that you're leaving for Lisbon in three hours. Why did you even call me here?" 

The consultant just pinches the bridge of her nose, forming defined lines on her forehead, and sighs loudly. "I wanted to see you, to say goodbye, I couldn't just leave you without so much as a letter for two days!" She takes two spoonfuls of coffee out of a pot and drops them in each mug, "I asked you to come her in hope that you'd understand or at least respect that I can't tell you what's going on. Please, Fleur, just trust me!" 

Fleur perches herself on the counter top next to where Roxanna is working and slowly takes the cup closest to her once it's full. "I'll try. It just annoys me that you didn't give me any warning, I mean who decides they're going on holiday the day they leave?"

"It's not a holiday. It's strictly professional and it needs to be done today... Look, maybe once everything's sorted I can tell you but for now it's easier for both of us that you don't know. It's really rather boring anyway."

"I think I'll be the judge of that, thank you." Fleur mutters pointedly and takes an angry swig of coffee, pretending not to have burnt herself as the liquid flows agonizingly slowly down her throat. 

Roxanna just grins to herself as she watches the other woman try her best not to react before also burning her lips on the espresso. "It's only a couple of days or so, you can cope without me, can't you?" 

"Well my brain can but I'm not so sure about my sex drive." The shorter woman states as a matter of fact. "You'd better bring a webcam with you or I don't think I'll survive." She pouts.

The blonde snorts and crosses her arms. "Do you have to be so dirty minded?" she asks.

"No but it certainly makes things more interesting, don't you think?"

"No."

Fleur stares at her deadpan before hooking her legs around Roxanna without warning and pulls her closer so that her pelvis is flush with the vertical edge of the counter that she'd been sitting on. "Well," she looks at her watch, "I still have ooh... two hours and fifty two minutes to prove otherwise, if you're willing to be proven wrong, that is." 

"You think you're so clever, don't you?" Roxanna arches a perfectly formed eyebrow at her.

"Urm, hello. Head of obs and gynea here." She points to her face and smiles smugly.

"Urm, hello. Neurology clinical lead here. This game works both ways you know." 

"Alright, we'll call it quits... I'm still gonna prove you wrong though." she tugs at the top button of Roxanna's blouse, revealing an inch of cleavage, and pulls her enough that their lips can just about brush each other. "Shall we see how many times I can make you beg before you leave me here all alone?" Fleur breaths into her ear, the smell of fresh coffee and autumnal perfume invading the neurosurgeon's nose until she can't bare the suspense any longer. 

Messily Roxanna joins their lips, her tongue instantly pushing past the others teeth and into her mouth. Fleur groans with content, the edge of her lips curving up into a smile as she undoes Roxanna's blouse and then fumbles with her own. Within seconds the blonde grabs the woman's waist, forcing her off the counter to stand and kneels before her. "Well first of all, I'm going to make you beg." She grins proudly, tilting her head innocently to one side. 

"Oh we'll see about that." Fleur smirks wickedly, a second later gripping Rox under the arms and yanking her up, pinning her against the closest wall. She plants a hot kiss just underneath her ear followed by several descending others until she locates the pulse spot where she sucks a little mark for her to keep as a souvenir on her travels. "Beg me." She whispers, a hand reaching around to the zip on Roxanna's skirt.

"No." the blonde swallows, having to bight her lip to stop herself from screaming for more. 

"Beg me." Fleur persists, her other hand gathering the waistband of her tights and slowly dragging them down her thighs. 

"Mm mh." She shakes her head, a pained look in her eye as she feels Fleur's fingers move leisurely inside her, a half stifled gasp escaping her despite her best efforts. 

"Go on, you know you want to." the brunette murmurs as she feels Roxanna's whole body tense up around her. "It's really quite simple."

Fleur curls a finger inside of Roxanna who finds herself gripping onto the shorter woman's shoulders for support. "Fleur." she chokes out, not wanting to give in.

"Yes Roxanna?" she smiles, knowing very well that in using her full name she was just taking the piss. 

"Please." 

"Please what?" Fleur purses her lips as Rox roles her eyes. "What do you want from me?" Instead of answering Roxanna tries rolling her hips against her but finds herself frowning at the tut she gets in response. "I don't think so."

"Come on!" the former complains before sighing with remorse. "Please just..."

"Just what?"

She groans in frustration. "Please Fleur..." her voice is sharp and arrogant, "Harder." 

"Good." Fleur hums, her fingers thrusting all of a sudden sending vibration all the way through her body. 

"More." She moans, eyes shut.

"More what?" 

"Please. Harder, Fleur, please!"

"Like this?" She asks adding another finger and doubling the pace.

"Harder, yes! Harder!" Roxanna already feels like she's approaching the edge and trembles against the other woman as she clings on with her now white knuckled fists. 

"I can't hold on for much longer." the blonde splutters, her entire body shaking with euphoria as she feels herself nearing the brink. 

"Beg for me again." Fleur's voice echos in her ear and she forces her eyes open. 

"What?" 

"Go on... one last time." she insists, her hand slowing.

"Please, no please don't do that." Roxanna begs, "I'll do it, just tell me what to say." 

"Now that's more like it." She growls, "I want you to beg me to fuck you."

"Fuck me." She obeys without a seconds thought. 

"Again."

"Fuck me."

"That's good, very good." Fleur leans in to kiss her and bites roughly down on her bottom lip.

"Fleur?" Roxanna looks up, breaking them apart. 

"Yes?" 

"I think I'm going to fall over." she snorts before a small moans leaves her mouth.

"We're almost there now, well done..." The brunette hums. 

Roxanna leans into the crook of Fleur's neck as she nears her orgasm and practically screams it into her shoulder as she comes, her legs finally crumbling beneath her and she lowers herself to the floor.

"I don't know whether I want to say that I hate you or love you for that." she pants breathlessly. 

"It was all you, remember. Once you did as I asked you got what you wanted, all you had to do was beg for it and I'd deliver." Fleur shrugs innocently. 

"Hate it is then." Roxanna looks up at her with a little side smile.

Fleur takes a sip of her coffee that was still resting on the side, "Round two anyone? At least now you know what to do maybe we can make this one a little easier."

"Is sex all you think about?" Rox asks with a frown for which she gets a blank stare in response.

"No... I mean sex with you, yeah. Sex in general, no. Does that count?"

"Well, yes. And anyway, isn't it your turn?"

"We still have a good few hours yet, let me give you a goodbye present first and then you can shag me to your hearts content." 

"You really need to think things through before you say them out loud." Roxanna huffs, getting up and officially removing her tights and skirt along with her blouse so she's just in her underwear. "Oh and maybe not on the floor this time."

"Fine by me, lead the way." Fleur extends her arm allowing Roxanna to lead her upstairs. "Isn't this your room?" she asks as they go past an open bedroom door revealing a large double bed. The duvet is crumpled like it hasn't been touched since the last person had gotten out of it and the pillows have two head shaped dips in them. To the left of it is a nightstand that has been cleared of everything that may have once belonged there whereas the other is cluttered with pictures and perfume bottles. 

"No, I don't sleep in there anymore, it's just through here." Roxanna calls as she disappears into a separate room. 

Fleur ignores her and slowly enters the abandoned room and, upon closer analysis, she realizes that what she thought were perfume bottle are in fact aftershave and men's deodorant. Weaved in and out of them is a navy blue tie and a cracked Rolex watch along with a crumpled up tissue that Fleur finds herself grimacing at. Another thing she notices is that one of the frames is missing a picture but has for some reason been placed with the others. Just as she reaches down to examine it more carefully she hears Roxanna come in behind her.

"I said it's through here." her voice seems harsh but her expression is anything but. 

"Sorry, I just... I'm intrigued."

"Nosy, more like." Now wearing a dark dressing gown, she steps forwards to meet Fleur and wraps an arm about her waist as they stare as the night stand. "This is David's stuff. He always was a bit of a slob." She picks up the Rolex. "And inpatient." 

"What do you mean?" Fleur frowns at Rox's obvious reference to the watch.

"It's funny, I always meant to get this fixed. I don't suppose there's any point now, is there?" she sighs.

"What happened to it?" There's a slight shift in atmosphere that makes them both inwardly shiver as Roxanna turns to her with a sad smile.

"He broke this... trying to attack me." Fleur's eyes widen as she brings a hand to her mouth. 

"What?" 

"It wasn't his fault, he had dementia." She explains, "There were days where he'd be his usual untidy self," her smile fades, "and there were others where he wouldn't even know who I was." She places the watch back to where it was and picks up the tissue. "This was rare, though. It only ever happened the once and I suppose I should have been more prepared, I mean, I knew the day would come eventually. I just hadn't realized it'd be so soon." Fleur nods and holds her a little tighter. "He came into the kitchen one day and couldn't remember where he was, who I am or why I was there so he just lost it. It really was my fault to be honest, I shouldn't have tried to restrain him and it was stupid of me to think I could." she shakes her head.

"Can I ask...?" the brunette begins.

"What?"

"Well, all of this makes sense now I guess; the aftershave, the watch, the tie but the empty frame... why's it there? I don't get it."

She inhales, "That was his graduation picture, I put it there when he was first diagnosed so he could see how important he was, not just to me, but to all the people he'd ever saved. When he died the university asked my to do a speech in David's memory so I thought I'd bring it with me for the memorial. That was about three month ago now... I don't think I'll be getting it back any time soon unfortunately." she huffs.

"And apart from that you.... You haven't touched this room since the day he died, have you?" 

Her silence is confirming. 

"I took all of my stuff from the stand over there," She points to the empty cabinet on the left, "but I just couldn't bring myself to tidy his things away. It's all I have left of him. I haven't even slept in this room for god knows how long. It got to the point that I had to buy that bed through there to get John off my back."

"What do you mean? What was he on your back about?" 

"I was sleeping in my office, the staff room, encore room, you name it, anywhere but our house. It took me over a month to get back onto the premises let alone the bedroom. It was only when we went to scatter his ashes that John and Henrik forced me back in here to collect my things; John was letting me stay at his for a while so I had a bed at least. I haven't been coping very well if I'm honest. I'm too reliant on distractions so I don't have to think about it... think about him."

"Is that what I am then?" Fleur asks to the floor making Roxanna frown. "A distraction."

"Oh no, of cause you're not!" She touches the shorter woman's arm comfortingly and she knows it's genuine. "You've certainly helped me with my other issues though, believe me. It just seems that things keep on piling up on me. Trauma after trauma, I'm surprised I'm not dead yet."

"Don't say that." Fleur reaches out to hold Roxanna's face in her hands, "Don't you ever say that." the latter brings them together to form a light but passionate kiss. 

"I'm sorry."

Fleur nods and kisses her again, "Come on." Roxanna lets herself be lead through to the spare room and allows the dressing gown to fall to the floor as they move through the door frame. The open blouse that Fleur had been wearing follows its way to the carpet and she kicks it out of the way as she pushes Roxanna down onto the bed. 

Climbing on top of her she separates the blonde's legs with her knees and wriggles the panties down to her ankles. Kneeling between Roxanna's thighs she kisses all the way up her right leg before inserting a finger when she reaches the female's groin, relishing in the unforgiving gasp that she makes. She then leaves a trail of wet kisses up her other leg, either side of the USA flag tattoo at the peak of her leg, only this time upon reaching the cross section she continues with her mouth all the way. 

Rox cries out at the new sensation and grinds against Fleur as she feels her tongue flick inside of her. With her free hand Fleur reaches up to the others mouth and lets her nip and suck at her fingers. It doesn't take her long to find that one spot that makes Roxanna shiver all over and she gently nips at it almost making her come instantly. 

"Yes Fleur!" The woman moans as she feels herself getting closer to the edge. "Again."

Fleur obeys and bites at the same spot that she had before and winces as Roxanna bites her hand simultaneously. "Oi! Ow!" she exclaims.

"Sorry." Comes the breathless reply. "Keep going, I'm so close already!" 

"I know, be patient." She ends by licking one last time before letting her fingers do the rest of the work and Roxanna comes groaning to her orgasm. "There you are, my dear." she breaths.

"Thank you." She whispers back as she lets her breath return to her. "And for the record I prefer it without the begging." Fleur laughs. "Much more quick and efficient."

"You're very welcome." She drags her fingers playfully down the inside of her leg and skims over the tattoo, feeling the slight difference in texture between the inked and non-inked skin. 

"Stop!" Roxanna gasps, sitting bolt upright and making Fleur jump.

"Jesus! What?" she stares up at the consultant who's breathing suddenly escalates as she looks worriedly around the room. "Rox, what is it?" Fleur asks in a more quiet, serious tone.

"I can't do this, I'm sorry." She gets up and shrugs the fallen dressing gown onto her shoulders as she threads her arms through the holes. She heads out, stumbling on the way having not quite recovered and retrieving her discarded underwear, leaving a highly confused Fleur left alone on the bed. 

Hauling herself up, the brunette freezes in a state of indecision; should she run after her or give her a seconds peace? Deciding on the latter, she slumps back down onto the bed, tracing each eyebrow with her knuckle. "I'm sorry." She whispers to herself as she tries to think of whatever she had done wrong. There's an abrupt coughing from downstairs that causes Fleur to prop herself up onto her elbows so she can listen closer but is met with a long silence. 

Several minutes pass before stifled sobs from downstairs make her give in and want to investigate. "Rox?" she calls, creeping down the first few steps.

No response. 

"Roxy?" 

Same again.

She walks into the living room where just under the windowsill Roxanna is sat with her knees pulled up to her chest like some sort of scared child, tears soaked to her skin causing mascara to run faintly down her chin forming charcoal rivers, some of which even lead down her neck and between her breasts. 

"Hey, what's up?" Fleur inquires and crouches down to the other woman's level from the door.

Roxanna looks up with a sniff, the grayed tissue in front of her has obviously been given up on evident from the stained cheeks she now possesses. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't be silly. There's nothing to be sorry for." She gets up and starts to move in closer.

"Be careful," the blonde warns, "I've been sick." She points to a light orange stain that already seems to have soaked through the light purple fabric of the carpet and into the floorboards. 

"Oh," she wrinkles her nose, edging her way around it, "Don't worry, I'll clear it up later." Fleur promises and slides down next to Rox who had accidentally grabbed the wrong blouse but nevertheless had put it on for nothing more than to cover herself. "Is this all because we were talking about David?" she asks, attempting to rest a hand on the others knee but pulling away quickly as Roxanna flinches. 

"Am I a terrible person if I say no?" 

"Hey, of cause not." she reassures her, allowing a tiny smile to peel onto her lips as the blonde leans her head sideways and rest on her shoulder. "I can't help you unless you tell me." 

"It's silly." comes the reply making Fleur pull back slightly so she can face her straight on. 

"No." She persists, "It's not. Whatever it is has made you physically sick, it's made you cry so much not even Frieda Pentrenko's makeup could withstand it so the last thing I'd call it is silly."

Roxanna gives a little half laugh and shakes her head, looking to the floor and taking the other woman's hand. "I thought I could cope with it... I thought I was past it all but I'm not. I just don't want to think about it anymore." 

"Think about what? Tell me Rox."

She rocks slightly before letting out a single sob and allows Fleur to wrap an arm around her torso, the other cradling her head as she lays it in her lap. "Liam." she snivels into her sleeve.

"Oh Roxanna." Fleur breaths, ducking down to kiss her on the ear, "I had no idea you were still bothered by it. Of cause you are," She interrupts herself, "you were almost..." the last word dies in her throat.

"Raped, I was almost raped, Fleur. You can say it... but that's the thing; almost. Almost doesn't get you sympathy or therapy, almost gets you a pathetic pat on the arm and an 'I understand' but you don't, nobody does and I thought I was past it but when you... You..."

"I what? What did I do?" Fleur raises her voice worriedly, guilt plunging deep into her stomach. 

"Touched... the tattoo, like he did... When he attacked me... It just brought back memories." 

"It's a trigger." Fleur realizes out loud and Roxanna nods between breaths. "I'm so sorry Roxanna."

She shakes her head, "It wasn't your fault, you weren't to know." 

A few betraying tears stab at Fleur's eyes but she wipes them away before they can be seen. "You should talk to somebody." she mutters.

"No." the neurosurgeon shakes her head furiously, "They'd make me talk about everything; about David, about Tara, you even. I don't think I could cope with that, with going back over it right to the very start. To my mother, my miscarriage, being held at gun point, I can't..." She takes a deep breath. "I can't do that, Fleur. You can't make me." 

"I wasn't planning on making you, but you've told me about most of those things already. What makes you think you can't do it again?"

Roxanna stops to think about it, using the sleeve of the too big blouse that she's wearing to wipe the last stray tears away. "I'm too busy." 

"Bullshit." Fleur exclaims before she even realizes she's said it.

Rox scoffs and sits up. "Excuse me?" 

"You're honestly going to put your work before your mental health?" She stares at her in disbelief, the same expression reflected back at her. 

"But I'm only one person, I help save peoples lives!"

"And you honestly think you're in the right state of mind to do that?"

"I'm not arguing." Rox states after some time, knowing full well she'd lose anyway. 

"You can't just lock yourself away like this, you need a release."

"I'm trying!"

"Not hard enough!" she spits.

"Why are you being like this?"

"I'm trying to help you, why can't you see that?"

"Why? It's none of you business!" Roxanna screams, for the first time in, what feels like, her life loosing her temper. In her heart she knows her plan is wrong but if she can get Fleur to hate her, maybe there's a chance she can't hurt her any more than she already has. It's not fair that she has to cope with this for her.

"It's every bit my business!"

"No it isn't! You're just being nosy, just leave me the fuck alone!" 

Fleur's eyes widen at the blonde's use of language, the only other time she'd ever heard her use the 'f' word before was in a very different context. "Why can't you get it into that huge brain of yours that I'm never gonna leave you? Your profession specializes in brains for crying out loud!" 

"Why do you even care so much? You only see me for sex, nothing more!"

"Seriously, nothing?"

"Well don't you?"

"No!" 

"Then what? Why do you insist upon caring so much? Please enlighten me!"

"Because I love you, you huge pain in the arse!"

Roxanna opens her mouth to scream something back but trips over herself at Fleur's final statement. Her lips move in the form of words but all that comes out is a noise that sounds vaguely like 'what?'

A wall of silence hits them like a bulldozer as the two women just blink at each other, the only sound being the birds outside and a plain that sores overhead. The sudden ping of the doorbell makes them both jump slightly and Roxanna points in the general direction of the hallway. 

"I'll just... get that." she mutters to herself and slips out of the room to open the door. She doesn't bother to check who it is and so is greatly surprised to find Oliver Valentine stood on the porch, sporting a large open trench coat that has been slightly ripped on the sleeves as well as on the knees of his trousers. A small cut reveals itself as he turns his head and a nasty looking graze marks his chest beneath his ripped shirt. "Ollie." she reaches out and places her hands on the top of both his arms. "What happened?"

"I think I was mugged." he frowns, looking back down the street behind him. 

"You think?" Roxanna asks as he turns back to her.

"It's all a bit of a blur, some skally's on bikes knocked me over as I was walking to the shop, it's not as bad as it looks." He notes as the blonde stares worriedly at his cuts. "Can I come in?"

"Of cause." Roxanna smiles, linking arms with him and leading him into the house. "Let's sit you down." She drags out a chair from beneath the table and nods for him to sit in it.

Fleur appears from the living room and sits silently down next to him in the dining room, "What happened to you?" she retorts inconsiderately.

"He was attacked." the blonde answers for him from where she seems to have positioned herself by the sink, a wet cloth in hand. 

"Nasty." comes the reply and she drums her fingers on the wooden table. 

"Here." Roxanna offers and extends the cloth to him, shaking it persistently when he doesn't accept it immediately. "Try to clear that up."

"Thanks." Oliver nods and takes it, dabbing it gently to the side of his face. "Sorry to barge in on you like this but I knew your house was near by so I thought..."

"It's fine." she smiles.

Fleur's brow creases when she sees Roxanna move over a wooden door in the corner of the room and listens to the echoed footsteps as she proceeds to go through it. There's a short silence followed by the soft clatter of glass before she hears the returning clicks of shoes on their way back up revealing the neurosurgeon with a bottle firmly gripped in her hand. 

Upon returning she retrieves three shot glasses from a cupboard and pours the clear liquid equally into each one. "Drink." she orders Oliver, placing one in front of him and pushing it closer. 

"Is one of those for me?" Fleur looks up hopefully. 

"Yes." Roxanna slams it down sending a wave of vodka splashing onto the table. "We all need a drink I think." she nods and downs hers in one before refilling her glass. 

"Slow down, aren't you driving to the airport in a couple of hours?" Fleur asks, putting the glass back onto the table having drunk it and tops it up. 

She shakes her head, wiping her mouth on her sleeve yet again causing the brunette to huff - she'd definitely have to put it in the wash now, the amount of times Roxanna had used it to wipe her face in the past half hour - and swallowing the next mouthful. "I'll order a taxi, I need to go back to the hospital anyway to see John so I can go straight to the airport from there. As long as I'm not slurring my words and can still walk in a straight line I think that I'll be fine." 

"Fair enough, Ollie, take your medicine." Fleur nods the the male who looks to her with a frown.

"I'm not supposed to have any more than five units a day."

"What? Why?" the shorter woman splutters and, having already completed a third shot, takes a swig straight from the bottle. 

"Some medical reason, my brain can't cope with it... Or something." Oliver roles his eyes like a teenage boy and prods the side of his head.

"What a sad existence." 

Silently Oliver watches as the taller of the two women takes hold of his glass, drinks half of it and puts it back to where it originally sat in front of him. "Well that's five units there, and anyway, the offer wasn't for more than one." Roxanna explains, leaning across the table and snatching the bottle out of Fleur's hand. "That goes for you too, I think I'm gonna need this more than both of you over the next couple of days." she takes three large gulps and sets it carefully back down on the side, pretending to ignore the way Fleur had looked down her top as she had done so.

She goes to wipe her mouth again only for the brunette to stop her before she gets the chance, "If you use the sleeve of my blouse to wash your face one more time I swear I'm gonna rip it off you and not in the same way that I did half an hour ago." 

"I didn't need to hear that." Ollie mutters to himself under his breath.

"Fine." Roxanna shrugs and simply removes it before flinging it across the table so it lands over her face. 

"Do you want me to leave?" Oliver asks, averting his eyes to anywhere but Roxanna. 

"Have I upset you?" Fleur asks out of nowhere and replaces the dressing gown she'd been sporting for the top, forcing Oliver to look away yet again.

"No." Comes the reply a little too quickly, her words and eyes saying two completely different things. "I know." Roxanna stands up and briefly exits to grab a cardigan to put on. "Let's play a game."

"What?" Oliver asks, looking back and forth between the two women, now safe to do so. 

"Rules are simple," she sniffs, "I tell you something I've never done and if you've done it, you take a drink." she turns to him, "Oliver, you'll just have to take sips from your five units, Fleur," she sits down, "ten pounds says I can drink you under the table without any visual display of intoxication." 

"Done. You first."

The blonde clears her throat, a small smile temporarily flashing up onto her face before sinking deep into her glass which she sips from. "Right..." She pretends to think, "Never have I ever declared my love for Roxanna MacMillan."

"Subtle, Rox." Fleur retorts, all of a sudden noticing the male to her left slowly lifting his glass to his lips. "Oh no. Not you too."

"In my defense, I was severely brain damaged."

Rox frowns to herself as if she can't decide whether or not to be offended. "You weren't that bad." She defends.

"Wait, what happened?"

"Oliver was confused by his feelings for Zosia, he got mixed up between her and myself because of how much time I was spending with him."

Fleur snorts. "Sorry." she composes herself when she receives shared stares from the other two. 

"You were spending an unhealthy amount of time with me." Ollie points out. "It was hardly an illogical conclusion to come to, Roxanna." 

"Yes but you didn't have to declare it in front of the entire ward."

"You did what?" Fleur snorts again, this time finding herself being ignored. 

"And you didn't have to run off and leave me standing there like some deluded mad man!"

"Let's not forget that you accused me of cheating on my husband."

"I did no such thing."

"And saying you wished I was dead."

"Oh yeah, well how about that time you were watching me sleeping, or before that when you-"

"Oh for fuck sake!" the brunette exclaims, violently standing up. "Look at you two, you're like a divorced couple. I hope we don't end up like this." she looks to Roxanna who raises an eyebrow. 

"You're assuming I wouldn't have killed you by then, let's be honest, we'd both go insane within the first week of the honeymoon, let alone however long Ollie and I have known each other."

Fleur shrugs and, leaning back in her chair, puts her feet up on the table. "Yeah, but we'd still do it anyway. You know, for shits and giggle."

"You'd have to propose first."

"Because you're too lazy to?" 

"Because I'm not full of myself."

"Right, I see, well maybe I will. In a discrete and intimate manor with the upmost maturity. Then I'll have proved you wrong... again."

Oliver snorts, "Did you two just get engaged?"

"No." Roxanna replies sternly, giving the woman opposite her a hard stare who in return throws her arms up in surrender. "I'd sooner get married to Jac Naylor."

"I bet she's a good kisser, though." Fleur passes in comment and Oliver grumbles as he finishes the last of his short lived drink. 

"You didn't." Roxanna frowns as if any respect she had for the blue eyed male just drained from her eyes. 

"I'm not saying anything." He crosses his arms for good measure. 

"You don't have to. Now anyway, back to this..." Fleur gestures to the gap between her and Roxanna, "whatever the fuck this is, we have known each other for almost a year now. We've gone out together, we've slept together - numerous times - and don't think I haven't noticed how quickly your heart beats each time I kiss you, we're basically going out if you like it or not."

"Is she always like this?" Ollie asks, turning to the blonde with a mock sympathy.

"Unfortunately."

"Oi, watch it Foxy!" 

"See what I mean?"

"Yup." he shrugs.

"Oi! Don't you start." the brunette jabs a finger in his direction and takes her feet back off the table and firmly stomps them on the floor.

"You can't seriously expect me marry you when you haven't even asked me out yet." the blonde raises an eyebrow and, too, crosses her arms.

"But I thought we were just friends..."

"With benefits." He whispers under his breath. 

"It's more action than you're getting." Fleur pulls a face at him one might find on a five year old as if to say 'beat that'.

"Now, now children." Roxanna mocks and steps smoothly between the two adults. 

"Ah, yes. Sorry, right... as I was saying; I thought we were just friends-" she turns back to Oliver, "And yes we're shagging if you're so interested." 

Roxanna turns bright red, "Yes, thank you Fleur..." she grits out, "...The point is, neither of us have ever asked the other out."

"Because I thought you wouldn't want asking, what about the strings?"

"I think we both secretly know they were attached a long time ago."

"So does that mean you do want asking out?"

"Well why don't you ask me and see what happens?"

"Is anyone else getting confused?" Oliver asks, rubbing his head.

"Shush now, mummy and daddy are talking." Fleur says without looking away from Roxanna. "Fine, Roxanna, will you go out with me."

There's a pause. "Ask me tomorrow." she says with a smile.

"What?" Her and Oliver say together. "Why?" Fleur finishes.

"Because then I might say yes."

"Why not say just yes now?" 

"Where's the fun in that? Ask me again tomorrow and see if I change my mind. If I haven't you'll just have to try again the next day, I'm bound to say yes eventually." The blonde smirks and looks to the male. "How long shall I leave it? A day, two days, a week? How long do you reckon it'll take for her to beg?"

"Oh so that's what this is about, giving me a taste of my own medicine." 

Rox snorts and looks to the ground, "You're such an idiot sometimes." she looks up to meet their eyes, their lips soon following, "Of cause I say yes as long as you admit to two things, Ollie, you may want to cover your ears."

"Oh no, I want to hear this. Of all those months we spent together one on one, I've never seen anything close to this side of you so if you don't mind I'm going to record this entire conversation on my phone." He grins and sits back slightly in his chair, pretending to get his phone out.

They both ignore him. "First thing, sex is better without the begging and if you ever make me do that again when it's your turn I'm going to leave you hanging on the edge all day without release."

"Okay maybe you were right." Oliver remarks before covering his ears with his hands.

"Second thing, I am way smarter than you." she lifts both her eyebrows and wait for her response. 

"Ooh... Foxy Roxy you drive a hard bargain, but I think I can agree to both of those if it's you I get in return." 

The blonde relaxes somewhat and drops her shoulders. "Good, then yes, Fleur, I will go out with you." 

"Are you done yet?" Ollie shouts, his hands still covering his ears like a child.

"Talk about a third wheel." Fleur scoffs, "Fancy a round three before you go? You can say no." she adds clearly given what had just happened.

"It's fine... just try not to-"

"Touch the tattoo, I know." she nods in understanding and Roxanna leans forwards to say something into her ear. 

Ollie watches from across the room and assumes it's safe to remove his hands. He frowns at the smirk that spreads across the shorter woman's face as the blonde's jaw moves to form quiet words he can't make out from his distance. 

"What sort of toy?" Fleur asks excitedly, biting her lip.

"You'll see. I'd forgotten I'd bought it until just now."

She gasps, "You naughty girl." despite being shocked, there's a sort of impressed tone in her voice. 

"I'll help clear Ollie up properly and send him on his way, go and get changed into something more appropriate, those stockings you brought the other day are still under my bed if you want them. Oh and the handcuffs are in the drawer along with the blindfold, I'll let you decide who gets to wear them this time." she smirks before composing herself and turning her attention back to her 'patient'. 

"Don't be long." Fleur orders and practically sprints upstairs.

"Right then, let's get you cleared up properly." she nods. 

"Oh, thanks." Ollie smiles and allows her to unbutton his shirt and reveal the scrapes all along his chest.

"They really did have a go, didn't they?" she frowns, ghosting her fingers over them.

"It looks worse than it is." He reassures her and she nods. "Oh and, Roxanna?"

"Hm?" she looks up and reaches for the cloth that had been left on the table.

"She's lucky to have you." he smiles but then corrects himself, "Not in a weird way."

"No I understand." Roxanna laughs. "Thank you."


	5. Sedated Nerves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You look stressed, I know you have work to do but you wont be able to do anything with a frown like that on. You need to relax." 
> 
> "And what would you suggest I do then?" 
> 
> "Oh, I don't know..." she grins, "I could probably think of a few things. You could do me, for example." the shorter woman cracks her knuckles, a sound usually unbearable to Roxanna but had somehow managed to immediately turn her on. When the brunette seductively starts to undo the first few buttons of her top that's when Roxanna really looses the last straw. "...Or, you know, you could just read a book."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very long chapter so please read it when you have some time to appreciate and not just skim over it, thanks. Disclaimer, if anyone out there can speak Ukrainian, the parts where Frieda speaks were all translated via google thus I don't expect it to be too accurate. 
> 
> Thank you all for reading, this is the last chapter and boy is in an emotional one. TRIGGER WARNING!
> 
> Many of the scenes start from moments that happened in the show so if you find it a bit confusing to keep up with, that's why. Also there's a dream part which might not be too obvious to begin with but basically it's the bit with the river for some context. That's not a spoiler btw. 
> 
> Anyway thank you once again and all feedback is appreciated, please be kind and civil, however.

'For the next flight please board now.'

Roxanna looks at her watch, the flight was late. She tuts with an eye-roll and picks up her suitcase, tickets and passport papers in hand. She only gets to take two steps forwards when a firm grip wraps itself around her wrist, spinning her round dramatically.

There isn't even time for her to register Fleur's face before she's being pulled into a kiss that lasts seven seconds (yes, she did count) until they have to pull away for air. 

"What are you doing here?" Roxanna splutters, blinking rapidly to make sure she's not hallucinating. 

"Nope. Can't do it." 

"Can't do what?"

Fleur sits on her hips, "Twiddle my thumbs for two days without you. I'm sorry but I think I'll have to come with you." she grins wickedly.

The blonde just raises an eyebrow. "And how are you going to do that, hm?"

"Well I was going to attempt to hide in your suitcase but seen as it might be a tinsy bit too small for me I thought I'd just buy this instead." she holds up a plane ticket, identical to the one in Roxanna's own hand, and beams up at her.

"No," she shakes her head, "absolutely not!" 

Fleur's face drops. "Why not!"

"You're too much of a distraction."

"Thank you."

Roxanna scoffs fondly, "Not a compliment. How did you even know which plane to get?"

"Educated guess." comes the answer with a shrug. "Also the tab was still up on your laptop. I... stumbled upon it."

"You hacked into my laptop." the neurosurgeon replies with an expression that look like it's trying to be pissed but is actually quite impressed. 

"RIGDEN87. Way too predictable, come on Foxy."

"You're unbelievable." Roxanna says, shaking her head.

"So why are you smiling?" 

"I'm most certainly not!"

"Sure." Fleur replies dismissively extending the handle of her suitcase and taking Roxanna's hand, "So can I come? Come on, it'll be our first outing as a couple." she asks, bating her eyelids.

The blonde drops her shoulders in defeat. "As long as you let me get on with my research, this isn't a holiday, you have to remember that."

"You're the boss." she salutes, tipping onto her toes to kiss the taller woman on the cheek. "Come on then, let's get a shift on."

***

"Well this is fancy." Fleur mutters as the couple enter their hotel room, "King size double bed and they didn't even know I was coming, they really do pull out all the stops for you, Foxy Roxy, don't they?"

"It may have something to do with the fact that I work with John Gaskell." Roxanna huffs as she hauls both their suitcases onto the bed. 

"Don't put yourself down like that." Fleur shakes her head and takes the blonde's hands. "You look stressed, I know you have work to do but you wont be able to do anything with a frown like that on. You need to relax." 

"And what would you suggest I do then?" 

"Oh, I don't know..." she grins, "I could probably think of a few things. You could do me, for example." the shorter woman cracks her knuckles, a sound usually unbearable to Roxanna but had somehow managed to immediately turn her on. When the brunette seductively starts to undo the first few buttons of her top that's when Roxanna really looses the last straw. "...Or, you know, you could just read a book." 

"Fat chance." Roxanna cuts her off, lunging for her and slamming her against the wall. Their mouths open, drawing each other in and it's all sticky with tongue and teeth. Fleur rips Roxanna's blouse open, the buttons pinging off in all directions and bites down on her breasts leaving deep red marks, she then pushes the other woman down onto her knees and intertwines her fingers through the bleached hair as the fastening of her trousers are torn open and wriggle down her hips. 

Then it's all gasps and moans and screams of pleasure, the roughness of it is something Roxanna never thought she'd enjoy but by god did she need this! They never even made it to the bed that Fleur had so keenly taken to which amuses the blonde as she's slammed against the main door - not for the first time, nor the last - and bitten into like an animal. Fleur's nails dig deliciously into her upper thighs and her tongue, good god her tongue, tasting every inch of her as her pelvis grinds away.

Next Roxanna forces Fleur to the floor and straddles her leaving kisses down her sternum before shuffling down to kneel between the gap in her legs and lifting them both over her shoulders so she can lick furiously. It doesn't take long for them both to be completely exhausted and they finally lay in that big comfy bed together. 

"I loved that... I love you." Fleur mumbles into her girlfriend's breast as she slips out of consciousness.

Roxanna pretends not to have heard her and closes her eyes. An hour passes, then two but she still can't quite manage to get the thought of John Gaskell out of her head. She looks at her watch, careful not to wake her girlfriend, and counts the hours she'd have to wait until her appointment with the science lab facility. It is with all her might that she hopes some sort of evidence would reveal itself before her time here was out and she'd have to go back to her beloved friends having doubted them wrongly.

***

"Woah!" Fleur swings back in the door frame as she takes in the scene laid out before her. Roxanna looks up from her prostrated position on the double bed, the papers and files she'd been looking through practically burying her, one of which slips off the bed as she moves to a more comfortable place. "Bloody hell, Rox! I've only been gone a few hours, where the hell did you get all that?"

The neurosurgeon looks up, gratefully taking Fleur's hand as she shifts on the matres, careful not to knock any other files off the bed and allowing the brunette to lift her down onto the floor. She utters a thanks before grinning cheekily, "The lab I visited authorised me to access some files I had rights to because of my partaking in Project Laszlo... The rest were, well... Shall we say borrowed?"

Fleur's eyes widen, "You stole them?" she laughs, having to cover her mouth with her hand to try not to look too impressed.

"Borrowed." Roxanna persists, the edge of her lips curving upwards rebelliously. 

"Oh yeah? What, did you just accidentally trip over and fall into a filing cabinet or did they just magically appear in your handbag?"

Roxanna snorts and makes her way over to the counter to get a drink, "A lady never tells," she smirks over shoulder, "let's just say it involved a paperclip and a conveniently timed distraction."

"Distraction?"

"Patient on the loose, don't ask. I have to say I did not expect him to understand that much English, the bribery may have helped."

Fleur gasps, "You minx! I'm trying not to be tremendously turned on by that, by the way. You know you could still be arrested for that?" 

"I was careful, don't worry. Now be quiet, I need to get an update from Henrik." she takes out her phone turning to the brunette who mimes zipping her mouth, locking it and then opening it again to swallow the key. Roxanna just raises an unimpressed eyebrow, "I mean it."

"It was a joke!" The blonde simply swaps eyebrows, "Alright, fine. Tough crowd, I get it." Fleur huffs, crossing her arms.

"Hm." She holds the phone out, bringing up facetime and then Henrik's contact. "He can't know you're here, OK? He wont take me seriously otherwise."

"Received and understood." the shorter woman nods once and disappears into the bathroom.

She presses the call button and listens to several of the little tones before Henrik finally answers. 

"Roxanna." She sees his stern face peering at her through the rectangular screen, his severe expression softens almost as soon as he's taken in the beautiful elf-like features of the woman's face. "How have you been? What time is it there?" 

"That's not important." she fires back in a slightly harsher tone than she'd intended.

"Oh?" he shifts the phone slightly further away from him allowing Roxanna to get a partially less zoomed in visual on his face. 

"Sorry." she rubs her forehead with her free hand, "Just a bit..." she has to stop herself from saying stressed, "It's doesn't matter. Please just tell me, I need to know what John's planning to do with Joshua Bloom. Tell me he's not planning on operating 'till I get back." the blonde asks somewhat desperately as the thought crosses her mind.

"Not exactly." comes the reluctant reply.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

There's a pause at Henrik's end of the line. "Hang on..." he says eventually, "Just let me go somewhere more private." Roxanna huffs, leaning against the wall and briefly pinching the bridge of her nose. "You're not going to like this..." he mutters as he goes through a door, she recognises the background to be the stairwell. "Today."

"Today?" she knows exactly what he's saying, "He can't!" the blonde splutters in disbelief, she felt betrayed, not just by John but by both of them.

"Well it seems he can and he is." He replies simply.

"But he agreed he wouldn't. What's changed?"

"I'm not party to those details."

"You have to ensure that he's not forging ahead on a whim; cutting corners." the neurosurgeon persists, she was loosing control. 

"Well have you found anything, any kind of evidence that would illuminate?" Is his reply. She knows it didn't mean to sound patronizing but by god did it feel like it.

The woman looks blankly down at the mess of files currently sprawled across the double bed, "I'm trying but there's so much to go through..." there's a light crash from the bathroom followed by a faint 'oh fuck' which she prays Henrik hadn't heard. "Look I have to go." she utters in a well hidden panic, "Just make sure he does the right thing. For his sake." 

The call ends.

"Fleur?" she calls.

"Urm, nothing!" 

She huffs and draws closer to the door of the bathroom, knocking twice before Fleur's head peeps round it. "What have you done?" 

"Who says I've done anything?" Is her reply.

"Your face."

"Rude." 

The blonde rolls her eyes before pushing past her to find a perfume bottle smashed on the floor, the familiar sent rising into the atmosphere and defusing out the door into the main living space. "No." Roxanna whispers and bends down.

"Sorry." Fleur apologises genuinely, "Was it expensive? I can buy you another one if you'd like." 

"It was from David." she croaks, her voice barely audible. The neurosurgeon slumps onto her side and places her hands into the splintered glass and silky liquid, the pain of her action baring no weight in comparison to the pain at the pit of her stomach. 

"Oh, Roxanna, I truly am sorry." She stops, noticing the other woman is now crying. "Hey, hey come on now. Don't do that, you'll hurt yourself." the brunette carefully pulls Roxanna's hands out of the glass and helps to clear everything, the guilt piling up.

"Ouch!" Roxanna hisses as Fleur pulls the largest piece of glass out of her palm so she ducks down to kiss it better. "Thank you."

"It really was an accident."

"I know, of cause, I know." Roxanna pecks her on the cheek and wraps her arms around her for a hug. "I'm scared." she whispers, more to herself than anything.

Fleur pulls away, "Of what?"

The blonde shakes her head, "Of being too much for you. We've only just officially gotten together and already I have secrets, secrets that I want to share with you so badly but I can't because you might get hurt by them. I just need to know you're OK with this." 

Fleur clears her throat. "Do you remember when we first met, properly, I mean, on the ward? You were lying there on the floor because our friend Mr Valentine had accidentally hurt you and I stayed with you all night just to get you to notice me, I even watched you throw up in a toilet and ordered you a CT scan so I could check up on you. Do you remember me practically chasing you down the corridor like a mad woman who's desperate for a shag?"

"That's because you are a mad woman who's desperate for a shag." Roxanna adds to Fleur's amusement.

"The point is that I chased you. I'm sorry to tell you this but you ain't getting rid of me that easily Foxy." 

There's a pause and for a second Fleur thinks Roxanna is going to start crying again, as if her delicate face wasn't abused by tears enough, she soon stands corrected when she finds her girlfriend's lips pressed passionately against her own. Fleur dips her hand into Roxanna's blouse as it starts to get heated but in return gets pushed away.

"I can't, I'm sorry." the neurosurgeon shakes her head, running her hand through her quiff, "I can't stop thinking about the hospital, I need to speak to John and Henrik. I need to be there."

"But what about me?" the brunette tries, seeming a bit pissed having been subtly told to fuck off. "What do I do?"

"Stay here. The room has already been payed for so you might as well. Enjoy yourself, you've earned it and I might come back anyway, it depends what deficit I'm left with back at Holby." she looks at her phone dubiously. "Look, I have to go now but-"

"You're leaving me here." Fleur interrupts, looking genuinely angry now. 

"You don't have to stay."

"Yeah but you're going anyway... What if I said I don't want you to go?"

"Fleur, I don't know what you're getting at-"

"Secrets I can cope with, random holidays; you're pushing it but just up and leaving? No, I'm sorry."

"I thought you said you could cope."

"And I can, I just need more notice, that's all. I've had literally no warning, you just decided this second that you want to go and-"

"A boys life is in jeopardy, is that not reason enough?"

"Since when?"

"Since before we even left!"

"Right so you thought you'd fuck me goodness knows how many times before actually deciding to do anything about it?"

"It's not like that, oh god Fleur, please don't you dare put it like that."

"Well if you weren't so crazed on keeping secrets from me then maybe I'd understand more... I get that you don't want to tell me everything, I respect that, but surely it doesn't stop you from giving me a valid reason for just performing a 'blink and you'll miss it' act." 

"I'm doing my job!"

"And I'm being your girlfriend!"

"Look, I know you're angry but please don't make me choose."

"I'm not that cold blooded, but just for the record I'd choose you every time. I'm not expecting you to feel the same, I just want you to respect me with maybe just half as much as you respect your work."

"Fleur..."

"It's fine, I'm not cross, I understand I just... I needed to get that out of my system. You should go, I'll be fine honestly."

Roxanna steps back, somewhat miffed. "Are you sure?"

"No but if a lads life is in danger then I want you to go." Fleur sighs.

"Thank you." is all the blonde can get out, "Thank you for putting up with me." she pecks her on the cheek and grabs her case before making her way down the corridor. She senses the woman's presence behind her but doesn't dare to turn around just in case her heart breaks again a little more. Taking out her phone she types a message out to Henrik: I'm on my way.

***

"Laszlo, it's Roxanna MacMillan, I work with Professor Gaskell at Holby City Hospital. I need to speak with you urgently, can you call me back? It doesn't matter what time, I'll be awake." Roxanna ends the call and stares at the memorial statue. Her mind tenses with stress and worry, the idea that she might actually be on to something makes her wish she wasn't so easy to doubt her friend. 

He phone buzzes in her hand and she holds it up to examine it, expecting it to be Meena or John, but instead she sees that Fleur is trying to face time her. Pinching the bridge of her nose and taking in a long deep breath she composes herself to answer it. "Fleur." She smiles.

"I'm coming home, is that OK?" 

Roxanna frowns, "Of cause, is everything alright?" 

The brunette sighs, "I just want to be close to you. I know you still can't tell me but whatever it is, it's obviously making you stressed and I want to be there for you." she purses her lips, "Sorry."

"No, honestly it's fine, I appreciate it. That would be great actually, can I meet you at the hospital tomorrow, you should be back by then."

"Definitely. I'll call you when I arrive."

She smiles before ending the call, at least that was one thing of her shoulders.

***

"Where are you going?" John asks as she picks her coat up from the stool she'd been sat on in the restaurant.

Standing up to full height, Roxanna looks down at him, a slight frown upon her forehead. "To see Henrik." she shrugs and storms out. 

Her heels click along the pavement as she stomps on each paving slab to try to relieve at least some of the anger. "Idiot!" she shouts to the sky, a second later praying no one had heard or they really would start to believe she was delusional. 

"Who is?" Fleur's voice echos from behind her and she spins round to see her girlfriend a few meters behind seeming out of breath as it becomes apparent she'd been running. "Sorry," she huffs, catching her breath, "saw you come out of the pub, god you can walk fast. I feel like I just ran half a mile, I only have little legs." 

"I was right." Roxanna replies, ignoring Fleur completely.

"About what?" she folds her arms with a frown.

"The thing I can't tell you about, I was right which means something very bad is about to happen and you can't be seen to have had a part in it."

The shorter woman blinks, her face drops. "How bad?" She asks.

Roxanna looks to the floor, "I don't know just yet. Best case scenario, everything stops, we get suspended - maybe fired. Worst case... I could be arrested."

Fleur's eyes widen, "What?" is all she can make out.

"I'm sorry, now do you understand why I couldn't tell you." the blonde looks round to see John stepping out the pub, "Look, you have to go. I'll talk later, I promise I'll try my best to sort everything out but for now be safe. Go to my office and wait for me, I'll be there in half an hour or so, I imagine you still have some holiday time left. You might as well use it."

"That's not the point." she stutters, "Is there anything I can do to help, I don't understand what could be so bad that you..."

"Please just go." Roxanna begs as she sees John getting closer.

"I love you." Fleur whispers, dropping a kiss on her mouth before scurrying away.

The blonde smiles and watches the other woman walk away before rounding the corner out onto the car park. 

"Rox!" she looks behind her to see John run up to her.

"We're done, John." she replies blankly.

"No, no no, I cannot let you-" he grabs hold of her arms.

"Get your hands off me!" the blonde yells, pulling away from him.

"This isn't about you and me, this is for all of humanity-"

"Listen to yourself, it's like I'm seeing you for the first time." Roxanna walks away, determined to speak to Henrik. If she had to argue her case in front of him - or a court - so be it.

The next thing she knows she's being pinned against the wall, his possessive eyes locking with hers as he holds her there. "Hey, do you know who you're dealing with?"

Her breath hitches in her throat, "You're scaring me." she admits, every inch of her shaking.

He ignores her, "I promise you, you go against me on this, you will regret it."

Taking one final look at this stranger who seems to have taken over her friend, the blonde pushes him with all her might and runs.

***

Fleur taps her fingers on Roxanna's desk and sits back in her chair, her phone and watch tell her she's been waiting for the return of her girlfriend for well over two hours now but she's sure its more like seven. It doesn't take her long to find herself getting up and to start pacing the room, her patience decreasing by the second. After another twenty minutes of this she sits back down and puts her feet up on the desk ready to try Roxanna's phone yet again. It goes straight to voice mail.

"Oh come on!" Fleur groans, putting her feet down and replacing it with her head which she slams on the desk. A strong knock on the door soon makes her lift her it, abruptly jump to her feet and sprint over to it. "Where the fuck have you-" she begins before she's even fully opened the door but cuts herself off mid sentence when she sees two police officers stood in front of her. "Oh."

"Are we interrupting?" One asks, taking off her hat and stepping forward. 

"Urm, no. Sorry I'm just waiting for my girlfriend, she's taking a bit longer than we agreed that's all." Fleur mutters, not bothering to hide the bitterness in her voice.

"May we come in?" the other asks.

"Sure." The brunette steps aside and allows them to enter. "What's this about? Because if it's about Roxy then please just let her tell her side of the story and I assure you she is completely innocent."

The officers exchange a confused expression and turn back to her. "What was your name, Miss?" the female asks.

"Fanshawe, Fleur Fanshawe, why?" They exchange a look again, different to the one before but it's enough to tell her she's missing something. "Do you know something I should know?"

"Perhaps you should sit down Miss Fanshawe."

"No thank you, whatever it is you have to say to me you can tell me standing up. These legs may be small but they can withstand a hell of a lot - unless you want to sit down in which case I'd suggest the one in the corner, very comfy armrest." Fleur blabbers nervously. 

"We're good, thanks..." She takes a deep breath, "I'm sorry to have to inform you that Roxanna MacMillan was hit by a car a few hours ago." She pauses, "From what we've heard she's stable but-"

"Roxanna?" Fleur interrupts her, her mouth poised mid word. "Roxanna MacMillan? Tall, blonde quiff, looks a bit like an elf?"

"We were told she's head of neurology." the male officer confirms.

Fleur's heart stops, now it all made sense. "Hit? By a car?"

"I'm so sorry."

"And where is she now?" the shorter woman swallows the growing lump in her throat and casually crosses her arms. 

"ITU." 

Fleur nods slowly, "Right, yes. Thank you." 

"If you two are together then we'll have to ask you some questions." 

"It'll have to wait, I need to see her." she replies, barging past them and running aimlessly out into the corridor. She pivots on the spot, trying to catch her bearings, almost bumping into Dom as she goes. 

"Oh, hi! Long time no see." he smiles at her only to gain a lost look in response. "Fleur?" Dom tries again. "It's me, Doris." He jokes, waving in her face in an attempt to lighten the mood. 

"What?" she says eventually. 

The registrar frowns, "Are you OK?" 

"No." comes the blank reply. "Not in the slightest."

"Oh, well... do you wanna talk about it, I think I have a few minutes?"

"Roxanna was run over, she's in ITU and I don't even know how she is."

"I know, I heard. How terrible, I'm sure she'll pull through though."

"Really?"

"Yeah, of cause. I'm sorry, are you two friends?"

"You could say that." Fleur replies, still a little dazed. "I need to see her, I can't wait any longer. I need to talk to her in person." She turns and begins to walk away only to find Dom reaching for her arm and pulling her back.

"What do you mean talk to her? You do know the condition she's in, right?"

"They said she was stable." she shrugs, frowning.

"Well yes but... sorry, who exactly told you she was in ITU?"

"The police officers, why does that matter? I can still see her, can't I?"

"Well, yes but you do know you can't talk to her?"

"Why not, is she in a coma?"

Dom's heart sinks, surely they'd have told her what had happened. "They didn't tell you?" It's more as statement than a question.

"Tell me what?"

"Maybe it's best you asked someone else, I don't know all the details so-"

"Tell me Doris!" Fleur demands, her eyes ready to kill.

He takes a long deep breath, closing his eyes briefly before opening them again with a soft expression. "She's locked in."

"Locked in where?"

"No, I don't mean... Maybe it's best you see for yourself, I'll come with you."

"I think not." she scoffs.

"It's not for the faint hearted," he persists, "if you two are friends it's not going to be fun to see. Please, Ms Fanshawe, she's not in a good way."

Fleur stares up at him, her heart feeling like it's beating too fast and at the same time like it's not beating at all. "Show me." she whispers, her voice barely audible. Dom nods solemnly and leads her down to the Intensive Treatment Unit where her beautiful, precious Roxanna is living in a silent existence worse than hell. 

***

"If there's any change page me, if you need anything text me." Essie smiles at Fleur who sits on the plastic chair next to Roxanna's bed, the blonde's hand sat loosely in her own.

"Thanks." she returns without taking her eyes off her girlfriend. "Oh Roxanna." Fleur croaks out when she hears the door shut behind Essie and Dom who follows suit. "What have you done to yourself, how on earth did you-" 

She doesn't finish her sentence before the tears start falling and all she can utter is a soft "I love you" in between breaths. They stay there together for hours, doctors and nurses passing in and out but Fleur still doesn't look away, it's only when she needs to toilet does she abandon her station by the woman's bedside. She returns to find Henrik having taken up the mantle. 

"Hey." she breathes upon return.

He gives a slight murmur in response and, just as she had, doesn't take his eyes off her. "You love her, don't you?" he says after some time.

"So do you." she replies.

This time he turns around, "I wasn't asking you." he smiles softly. "But it goes without saying."

"Have you told her? That you love her, properly, I mean."

Henrik turns back round, "No."

"Well then, now's your chance."

"She's asleep."

"How can you tell?" Fleur questions curiously.

"Come here." he beckons her over, shuffling up an inch so she can perch on the armrest. "Look at her eyes, tell me, what do you see?"

The brunette leans across and down at the blank, green eyes. "I don't-"

"It's OK, it's perfectly natural. Even I didn't notice it at first, look closer." She obeys, "Do you see her pupils? Notice how they're slightly more dilated than before, that means her brain is less conscious of light. We can turn them off if you like, it should help her to remain unconscious for a bit, let her rest."

"So it'll feel like she's actually got her eyes closed?"

"More or less." 

"If it helps..." She nods and trudges over to the white switch upon the wall, deactivating it with a satisfying click. "I doubt she'll want to be constantly aware of the fact she can't move. I had no idea such syndrome existed."

Henrik sits up a bit, "Her mother had it, Roxanna helped look after her most of her life. Poor thing, she nearly collapsed from crying when she got the news of her death."

"You were there when her mum died?"

"Not quite. We were at University together, her, John and myself, she probably mentioned that." Fleur nods, "I can remember watching her receive the call from her father, I believe the tears were more relief than anything, cruel as it sounds."

"Did she die from it? Roxanna's mum, did she die from the LIS?"

Henrik frowns and looks round at the woman, he can practically hear the alarm bells ringing in her head. "Not specifically, no, but it was probably a factor if that's what you're asking."

"Are you not concerned that it might kill her too?"

He rises to his feet, "From the moment my pager went off this morning telling me what happened I have not stopped worrying I can assure you."

"I'm not asking for assurance." 

"No? Then what are you asking for?" 

She shakes her head, "I don't know, I-I'm not a neurosurgeon. I don't understand how these things work. I don't know if this is temporary or if..." her lip trembles, "Or if I need to be saying goodbye." 

Henrik moves over to her, taking her hands in his. "What you need to do is get some rest. Today I tried to bury myself in my work and pretend nothing was happening but all I accomplished was a lump in my throat that has rendered me unable to eat anything all day, out of guilt." 

"But what have you possibly got to feel guilty about?"

He looks to the pointy tips of his shoes, a tiny scuff near the base secretly irritating him as he speaks. "Neglect, I wasn't always there for her when she needed me."

"You've been nothing but there for her." Fleur exclaims in astonishment, "Remember that promise we made to each other back when she was nearly assaulted? I made a pact that I would look after her when you weren't around and you told me you'd do the same for me." he doesn't respond, just keeps on staring at that same mark on the brown leather. "As far as I'm concerned you haven't jeopardised that yet, it still stands." 

"Love prevails."

"Exactly." She lets go of his hands and takes a step back, "I'll get some rest as long as you do too." He opens his mouth to intercept, not that she allows it. "No arguments! Roxy needs us both strong and fit. What she doesn't need is two insomniacs looking after her which - at the rate we're going - is how we're gonna end up. Agreed?"

Henrik inhales through gritted teeth, "Affirmative." 

"Good." Fleur replies sprightly. "Now, I'm going to the staff room for a cup of tea and a snooze on the couch, care to join me?"

"I'll be there presently, I think perhaps I should wait for one of the nurses to come back so she's not alone if that's quite alright."

"Of cause," she smiles, "if I see one I'll let them know. I'll have the kettle on ready for you, you're a silver needle kinda guy aren't you?"

"That would be most appreciated, thank you."

They exchange farewells before Fleur makes her way out of ITU leaving Henrik to reclaim his seat next to the bed. He lifts Roxanna's hand to his mouth and kisses each knuckle individually, lingering on the last one, eyes closed. 

"Are you there?" he whispers, examining her eyes to see they're finally less dilated. 

'I'll always be here for you.'

"It wouldn't take John Gaskell, you know, to know that you two are in love."

'You say that as if it's not obvious you've been in love with me for the past thirty years. Everyone knows.'

"Please believe me when I say that I don't intend to become somewhat of a third wheel but I have to tell you, I've left it so late. Too late."

'I forgive you. Of cause I forgive you.'

"And when you married David you were so happy, I couldn't bare the thought of ruining what you had and I don't want to add to the guilt you're feeling for loving Fleur, I just..."

'Say it.'

"I just wanted to let you know that I do, and always have from the moment I met you-"

'Please just say it.'

"I..."

'I love you Henrik Hanssen. And I am so very sorry that it's taken me this long for me to realise that.'

"I love you." He croaks out in a whisper, tears pricking the edge of his eyes just as Frieda walks in. "Ah." He coughs, acknowledging the female's presence before straightening up and clearing his throat. "Petrenko, I expect Ms Fanshawe spoke to you." 

"No." she replies, deadpan.

"Oh, my mistake." Henrik frowns, walking up to her. "I hope you don't mind my asking , but what exactly are you doing here then?"

Frieda simply glides past him, placing her studded bag firmly down on the laminate floor and plonking herself elegantly in the chair. "I figured she might want some company, is that OK?"

"Of cause, I had no idea you two were associates." 

She smiles at that though Henrik can't think for the life of him what he possibly could of said to cause that reaction. "Oh did she not tell you, we have sleepovers every Saturday and braid each other's hair." She raises an eyebrow. 

"Quite." he responds, obviously having none of her cheap sarcasm. 

"Or maybe I just thought I'd pay a visit - Lofty told me what happened."

"Well that is rather kind of you."

"No, I don't do kind. Respectful, yes."

Henrik gives her a quizzical look, "Well either way I thank you Miss Petrenko." he makes his way to the exit.

Frieda rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to Roxanna. "Yim shkoda Roxanna." she states. "Budʹ muzhnim, YA viryu v tebe."

"I'm sorry?" He stops, turning back.

"What?"

"What did you say to her?"

She looks down at the blonde, "Nothing, she just likes my accent. I thought it might calm her."

"When did she tell you that?"

"Does it matter?"

"I suppose not though I shall repeat my previous question: What did you say to her?"

The Ukrainian straightens her back, looking rather offended that she was now being interrogated. "Why does it even matter, I don't-"

"Because it matters!" he snaps, Frieda merely raises an eyebrow in response. "To me, it matters!"

Her eyes dart down to Roxanna before drifting back up to the man stood behind her. "I'm sorry Roxanna. Stay strong, I believe in you. That's what I said." There's a beat. "Are you satisfied that I'm not sending cryptic messages oh wise one?" She fires back, now on her feet. "What did you think I said?"

Henrik looks to the floor, every time he notices that smudge on his shoes it seems to get more irritating and Frieda wasn't helping. He opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. "I-"

"Don't. Just don't okay?" she folds her arms. "Look, you are obviously stressed about this," she point to Roxanna, "so calm down, get some rest and come talk to me when you're less emotional."

Once again Henrik opens his mouth only find himself momentarily mute, instead he simply nods and trudges out into the corridor. He shakes his head, pondering why he'd just acted like he had. He was angry, at Frieda? No. At Roxanna...? Perhaps. How had she not seen a car coming? Why was she even running in the car park in the first place and why had she been so foolish and left him here one the verge of a mental breakdown?

How dare she!

He feels the rage build up in his fists and has to fight the urge to punch the wall. His subconscious preys an annoying F1 doesn't stumble past in fear he'll start yelling at them for no apparent reason. Luckily, none do.

***

# Roxanna gasps as her eyes fall open, she coughs, her vision settles. 

"Bank." She says aloud but not by choice. The words are hers, so is the voice belonging to them but the thought behind them, now that belongs to somebody else. Now why is that? The blonde frowns, shaking her head. "Pond." Where were these words coming from and why are they so important? "No," she tries again as if correcting herself. "Not pond, not lake... River."

Then something hits her, an unknown force that sends her to her knees and forces her to sit on all fours. Her brow furrows, an odd texture now sat beneath her palms. "River bank." She states, her eyes finding their way to the water out in front of her. Looking out into the distance she sees a peer, heavy fogs and mists obscuring it in the harsh light. 

She reaches out to it, something calling her and before she even registers her movement she's already half way across. "There's something in the water." The words tumble from her mouth. "No, not something... Someone."

Shit.

"Someone's in the water." she tastes the sentence in her mouth, swirling it around like wine and mulls it over. "There's someone in the water!" she repeats with more urgency this time. "Oh god! There's someone in the water!" 

Roxanna turns around, "Help! There's someone in here, there's someone in the water!" Her eyes dart about the river looking for any sign of life.

Nothing.

"Please!" she begs.

Again, nothing.

"Shit." she whispers beneath her breath, hands gathering her hair in frustration as she stands up. An idea strikes her. "I can save you." she breathes before beginning the task of unbuttoning her top. "I'll save you." she says again, over and over, "I'll save you, I promise you I can." The final button pings open and she starts to peel it back off her skin. "I'll save you-"

"Rox." 

The reptilian voice rings in her ears enabling her to completely remove the top in sheer fright and she hears a sound. A terrible, heartbreaking sound. That can't have come from her can it? Surely not, it's not like anything she'd ever heard before, there was no way to describe it.

It wasn't like when she'd begged Fredrik to stop when Ollie had been shot and it wasn't like when she'd gone and screamed in the peace garden on that particularly stressful day. It's not like when she'd yelled at Henrik for not seeing a therapist but just as equally it's not like the scream of pleasure Fleur had so easily plucked from her on the edge of sexual climax. No, it's ear shattering and disgusting and she hates to admit it had broken its way out of her voice box. 

"No!" she screams and finds herself running, a firm, almost painful, grip on her arm, though, sends her spinning back round and straight into the professor, chest to chest. She pushes him, just like she had in the car park, and backs away, edging her way towards the end of the peer, fully expecting to have to swim. "Please John!" He doesn't reply, just keeps on moving closer to her. "You don't understand, there's someone in the water." Again he ignores her, just keeps on moving until their noses are mere inches away. 

For a second she thinks he's going to kiss her, a thought that had never crossed her mind before and one she hopes will never cross it again, but instead he simply smiles.

It's not a happy smile, not like the one he'd given her at her graduation, nor the sad type he'd given her when scattering David's ashes. This was an evil smile, a cold blooded, wicked, lizard-like grin. 

"Please, listen to me..." she tries one last time, "There's someone in the water."

The smile evaporates in a second flat, barely enough time for her to register it's gone, and he takes a single step back allowing her to let out the breath she wasn't aware she'd been holding. 

"I know." he hisses, leaning back within his stance and pushes her.

She doesn't scream, doesn't even fight it, just lets it happen. She allows herself a few moments beneath the water to process the shock of the cold before planning to bring herself back up to the surface. As the last bit of breath escapes her she prepares herself to push back up to the top only...

She can't move.

She can't move!

Her body is rigid and tense as if every nerve in her body has been glued together into one place, her heart beats uncontrollably with the effort and her eyes bulge but it's no use.

There's someone in the water. 'Oh', she realizes, 'It's me.' Closing the lids over her stinging irises, she submits herself to the water, takes in on last deoxygenated breath and drowns. #

 

***

"Essie, what is it, what's wrong?" Fleur demands, storming in. "I heard her BP fluctuated during the night, is she OK?"

"It's fine, Fleur. We think she was just dreaming of running or something, nothing to worry about."

"Running?" the woman folds her arms, an eyebrow raised.

"Well what would you dream of when your entire body is unable to move."

She shrugs as if to say 'fair enough' and darts her eyes over to the lady in the bed. "Why did you call me? It sounded urgent." Essie grins in response, "Well go on, don't leave me hanging in the balance."

"She's blinking." Replies the smiling blonde, finally.

"What?" her voice breaks, "You mean... I can communicate with her?"

Essie nods violently, "I've sent one of the nurses to get a letter board but for now so long as you ask yes no questions I don't see why not. Be quick though, yeah? I need to run some tests on her."

Fleur's eyes widen and a half laugh, half sob falls from her lips. "Thank you." She moves over to Roxanna. 

"I'll leave you to it." Essie grins, noting that any kind of conversational advances would now be ill-timed, and leaves.

With the little muscle energy she has, Roxanna looks to her left, a warmth filling her when they meet Fleur's. 

'I've missed you.'

"So you were in there after all." The brunette remarks, for something to say. "I don't know what to..." There's a beat. "How're you doing?" Roxanna stares blankly at her. "Sorry, stupid question, I meant..." 

'I know what you meant.'

"I just don't know how to word it, I-" a tear drops down onto her face, "I just can't wrap my head around how this could've happened to you, I know you're accident prone but I never imagined this..." a hand is raised to rid the burning tear. She clears her throat, "D'you know what, I don't care how this happened, I don't care when or why, what matters is that it did happened and I'm going to help get you through this. Do you trust me?" She waits for a response. 

Blink.

Fleur's eyes tear up with delight; She'd been heard and better still she'd been answered. 

A thought crosses her mind, "Has Henrik spoken to you?"

Blink.

"Did he tell you how he..."

Blink.

Fleur smiles at that. Even now Roxanna still manages to cut her off despite being in full body paralysis. "Does that change anything..? Between you and me?"

Blink. Blink.

"That's good, I'm glad because..." her voice catches in her throat. "I know you can't exactly run away if you don't like where I'm going with this but if you want me to stop at any time just blink rapidly, OK?"

Blink.

Even though it's just a single expressionless eye flutter, Fleur can still sense the thought 'where is this going?' flash across her girlfriend's face. "Don't worry," she laughs, "It's nothing too bad... hopefully."

Roxanna rolls her eyes, something she didn't know she could do until this point. Was this progress? Fleur appears equally as stunned - and offended. 

"Look, I know we've only properly known each other for less that a year and been together for even less than that but an ordeal like this, it can make one think of all ones regrets and I don't want you to become one of them." She takes hold of the blonde's hand, the way Henrik had, and holds it to her mouth. "I just want you to know that this isn't going to change anything. If I have to communicate with you via blinking for the rest of our lives then so be it... I love you Foxy Roxy. I just wanted you to know that." 

The thought of 'I love you' very nearly entered Roxanna's head but is scrapped when Henrik's face flashes through her mind's eye partnered with the sentence that came with it: 'I love you Henrik Hanssen. And I am so very sorry that it's taken me this long for me to realise that.' Those words were very nearly Fleur's. Was it possible to feel so strongly about two people so very unalike?

"And that's why..." Her attention snaps back to the brunette. "I was wondering if, in the spur of the moment, you, Roxanna Macmillan would..." she inhales deeply, "Be my wife." 

There's a pause.

The blonde closes her eyes deeply, rapid eye movement visible from where Fleur is sat as if she's trying to figure out an equation. Her pupils are the sticks of chalk, her inner lids, the black board.

Just beyond a short period her irises are revealed, glimmering with moisture; tears.

Slowly, as if savoring the moment, her eyelids fall shut and back open again in one satisfying maneuver. 

"Yes." Fleur translates before reality hits her. "Yes?" 

Blink.

She laughs nervously, "Are you sure?"

Blink.

"Seriously?"

The next blink comes with more emphasis. 

"Oh Roxy!" 

Roxanna closes her eyes with contempt as her girlfriend lightly grips her jaw and softly kisses her rough lips. "I love you."

***

14:48

Blondie De Luca

Fleur: How is she? Spare no details.

Blondie De Luca: She's doing fine so far, Gaskell told me not to push with the letters so not much progress there. How r u holding up?

Fleur: As good as can be expected in such circumstances. If anything changes I want to know EVERYTHING.

Blondie De Luca: Over text?

Fleur: Yes! It's quicker than calling, you get straight to the point that way. From the slightest fluctuation in BP to critical heart failure, I want to know. Even if she's at deaths door I want you to text me ASAP! I'll be back in an hour or so, just collecting some extra clothes.

Blondie De Luca: Alright. Remember to look after yourself too, OK? See you when you arrive. Xx

Fleur puts the phone down, a wave of exhaustion sweeping over her and she flops down on the bed. "Coffee." she mumbles to herself, getting up after a brief moment to collect herself and trudges into the kitchen. 

She flicks the kettle on, winces at the noise and slumps down over the counter. Her hands cradle her face in a 'V' shape and she massages her eyes with both little fingers, the urge to sleep building up behind them. 

Forty winks couldn't hurt. She'd only be asleep in that uncomfortable plastic chair if she left for the hospital now - that's if Henrik hadn't claimed it before hand. As much as she enjoyed the company of her, now fiance, of a night time, it had been way too long since she'd slept in her own bed alone. Come to think of it eighty winks wouldn't hurt either - however long a wink is. 

She sets an alarm on her phone. Twenty minutes, that's all the indulgence she'd allow herself for now, especially as Roxanna was currently confined to that single railed bed back at Holby and didn't even have the ability to ask for a plumped up pillow. Yes, that settled with her quite nicely.

With a very deep sigh, Fleur tumbles into her double, king-size bed, not even bothering to kick her shoes off, and padlocks shut her overcompensating eyes. Not ten minutes into her snooze, however, she's awoken by the sound of a chirpy text that pings into life on her lock screen. It's Essie.

Blondie De Luca: GET HERE NOW!

Fleur: What is it?

At this point Fleur jumps into action, sprints down the stairs, runs out of the front door and into her car.

Blondie De Luca: idk, I've just been paged, she's gone into cardiac arrest. 

Fleur halts.

Blinks.

Re-reading the text she types:

Fleur: Cardiac arrest?

The reply is momentary.

Blondie De Luca: Yes. We're losing her, hurry!

She can't breath. She screeches down the road towards the hospital, any red light naturally ignored like the middle-aged white men at her conferences. Her phone buzzes again minutes later but she's not brave enough to look. Pulling up, legging it to ITU, watching the doctors and nurses bundle out of the room she finally reads the message. 

Blondie De Luca: I'm so sorry...

 

 

...It's not good news.


End file.
